A Boy's Perspective

Every once in awhile, I'm caught off guard by my boys' perspective on things. This happened today, as I was cutting R's (9) hair. (Just another thing to do before we have a new baby, you know!)

To set the stage, you ought to know that we won't be able to fit our family of EIGHT into our current Honda Odyssey. We have looked at newer Odysseys (which have a little middle row seat) and big vans like the Chevy E350 or Sprinter. We have weighed gas prices with vehicle prices and at the end of the day are simply determined not to go into debt to buy something bigger. We'll use the truck and the van until we have something that seats all of us. R is intensely interested in this decision, as he is the boy in our family who is most interested in all things pertaining to vehicles. I am relieved that we have put the discussion to rest for the time being.

As I'm snipping away at R's hair in my rather Nasa-looking silver apron, R comments, "You sure have gotten big with that baby in there."

"Yep." I say, trying to maintain my nonchalance. "But it's worth it." I'm imagining the joy of meeting this baby. I know how giddy the children are going to be when they first see him.

"Definitely,"agrees my son. "Because now we get to experience a new vehicle."

Under Surveillance

With sixth baby's due date only 3 days away, I'm feeling like I'm under constant surveillance. I can see the appraising looks and The Lawyer paying closer attention than normal to my winces and wobbles. Everyone is trying to gauge "how close" we are to labor and the joy of meeting this little one.

The Lawyer has been timing contractions (when I cooperate and notice and tell him!) and keeps up with all the changes that I dismiss. He has the big boys in on this, too. I'm sure he is justified: once he makes the decision in the morning to head to work, he is at the mercy of the bus system or the very slim chance that someone could pick him up and drive him back home in time for the baby's delivery.

Our midwife is a little nervous, too, and not wanting to miss the birth. She's given me several sweet lectures on when to call and what to look for and that I'm not bothering her if I call her before the last 30 minutes of intense pain. She lives about 30 minutes away. She would like to set up and have things calm and smooth. I agree. . . and yet still don't see those signs that things are imminent.

Tonight The Lawyer is at a movie with another lawyer friend. He has his phone, of course. I had to remind him that on M's birthday (2010) he went to give plasma with his phone. . . and I was unable to reach him for about an hour when I was really uncomfortable and thinking labor was in process.

So, he keeps asking me how I'm doing? and how I'm feeling? and do I think it will be today? and do I think it will be this weekend?

I have to honestly reply that after five children. . . I have no idea. Really. I still can't tell if I am close to delivering a baby or not.

And this mystifies my men. O and R are definitely picking up on this, though. Today, R was sitting in the front of the van on the way to/from the Science Museum. He sent The Lawyer a text every time I had a contraction that I told him about. (I do tend to say, "ouch" or something almost mindlessly when a strong contraction comes.) He thought he was super-stealthy and that he had a secret mission for Daddy, so I played along. Every once in awhile he would ask me, "Have another one yet, Mom?" I could tell he was just hoping to have something exciting to report.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home (after the museum) and saw a couple people we are acquainted with. One man with his children was genuinely surprised to see me and exclaimed, "You're still here?!" (not an uncommon comment at nearly 40 weeks pregnant.) R piped right up with, "Yeah, but she's been having contractions all afternoon! We've been letting Dad know." and then O added, "Some were seven minutes apart and some only six!"

I smiled politely (I hope) and tried to move my tribe on before all these men started discussing my dilation or something equally personal and absurd. As if I were the weather! Analyzed by these right- brained men who think that surely a hypothesis can be formed to predict this baby's arrival time based on past data and current conditions. Dear, sweet men and people in my life. . .

We will let you know when we have a baby, I promise. And if I know I'm in labor, I'll try to let my husband and midwife know- and maybe even the kids. It's a funny thing- this waiting and expecting and hoping and thinking and preparing and yet. . . really just waiting. Watched closely or not, I really am only waiting on the Lord and for all to be ready. I don't MIND the love and concern that cause the questions; I understand it completely. I'm just feeling a little. . . examined? Noticed? Loved?

I'm definitely feeling that this is a fleeting thought- for this miraculous, amazing pregnancy is nearly over.

39 Weeks Miscellany

39 Weeks with Baby

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the 39th week of this pregnancy. Funny how November seemed so far away back in February! We have had birthdays and school and lot of life going on, and in the all of that we are trying to prepare for this wonderful, new little person to join us. Some of my thoughts at this point, in random order:

1) Provision. God's provision has again been amazing. When we moved to Richmond I got rid of (practically) everything baby/ little boy up to 12 months (M's age then). We did not think we would have another new baby to need these things and it helped to lighten our load, simplify, and bless others. Then, when we found we were expecting, we had the stunning realization that we were starting out from scratch again- just like with the first baby eleven years ago. And the Lord, who promises to provide food and clothing and His care to those who love Him, has provided for us again. We've been given clothes and baby supplies and the three big items we needed (pack n' play, car seat, and stroller) are all here and ready- wonderful, almost-new, free.

2) Simplicity. With baby #6 my list of "needs" was much smaller. I feel grateful that our needs are met and am sure that what we have will be enough. (Though I do still think a few infant hats and socks would come in handy!) L and I organized and labeled baby things one night, which was super sweet for us. A few onesies, a few sleepers, a few receiving blankets, a bin of diapers. . .

3) Full moon is November 28th this month. Not all of our babies have been born during a full moon, but most of them have been within a week. Our due date is November 19th, so it wouldn't be too far off.

4) The Lawyer had his first baby shower thrown for him! I'm sure this is a perk of working with nearly all females. He had cake and presents and everything! What a wonderful surprise for all of us (he brought the leftover cake home for the rest of us to enjoy, too.)

5) There is a new movie out about Ina Mae Garten. I watched it at a free screening in downtown Richmond yesterday and found that I can't watch a birth without crying. The movie was both informational and inspiring, and thinking on these birth things is helping me prepare mentally for the challenge and joy of labor and delivery at home.

6) This is the first time we will have THREE in diapers. Even when M was born, I had T in unders (even overnight). But things have changed for T (5) and now I have both T and M (2) in diapers at night.

7) Having three in diapers makes me think that after (only) five babies, I still don't know what I'm doing when it comes to toilet training. Or forming sleep habits, for that matter. Or nursing, even. So, hey, the three biggest things that a baby does: nurse, sleep, wet. . . I still don't have a good handle on. That's a bit unnerving.

Happy T.

8) We took the kids bowling to celebrate R's birthday (9) and everyone loved it- especially T and L (7). L was excited every time she got a pin down and was beaming each time she turned back from the lane. T was enthusiastic, no matter the outcome of his turn. If he had pins down he would say, "I got THREE down!" and if he didn't get any he would say, just as happily, "I was SO close!" We did end up adding bumpers for the big boys, who were quite discouraged the first game by their low scores. Though The Lawyer was giving good, practical instruction, they just couldn't seem to help approaching the line in a rush and flinging the ball down the lane. I didn't do so well, either- though I did have one really good streak of strikes and spares. My personal cheering section had one mantra: "That was great for a pregnant lady!" (umm.. thanks?)

Tonight, I can quickly list the happy gifts of all these:
1071) Waiting for baby... sweet anticipation
1072) Family cheering for one another at the bowling alley
1073) Happy, exuberant children
1074) Cloth diapers
1075) The Lawyer at home (we love his days off!)
1076) Birthday cakes! And cousins to celebrate with.
1077) Supplies on hand for a birth and baby things washed, stacked, and ready.
1078) M, trying to sit on my lap and lean back on me still- hilarious! (and completely uncomfortable!)
1079) R's laughter at Charlie Chaplin. . . he has the best laugh!
1080) M wants more toast, but still has crusts on his plate. I ask why he needs more and he tells me, "Because I don't like those skinny parts."
1081) HOPE in God's Word. He will not leave us nor forsake us. He cares for us!
1082) O's kiss of thanks for hemming his Boy Scout pants. This boy is so excited about Scouts.
1083) Music in the house. Loving the piano music as the kids practice.
1084) Morning walks- even if they are short.
1085) November sun sparkling off the lake, reflecting on golden and orange and red trees. . . incredible beauty.

L celebrates!

The Lawyer and M

M was happy watching and also "driving" the race cars (arcade style) behind us.

R's birthday Pomegranate Cheesecake

O is now a Boy Scout!

O with his pumpkin birthday cake (Oct 28)

O sewed all his own patches so far...

Big Brothers at the farm (Oct. 2012)

The Baby Belly Band

One of the great things about being pregnant again is that there are new, fun things to try for mama and baby. It really is amazing how many neat things can come out in just a few years (or 11 years!) time span. This just adds to the joy and adventure of expecting again.

This time around, my round ligaments began giving me pain early. When exercising, I especially had strong pains in my side that were difficult to relieve. My knowledgeable and sympathetic midwife recommended that I try a Baby Belly Band.

I like it! I really do! This long, stretchy black neoprene band has added comfort for my growing belly. (Think of the kind of black neoprene used to brace knees for sports.) I have less round ligament pain and fewer Braxton Hicks. I feel all snug around the middle where my well-used, weary muscles are not so tight anymore. The only drawbacks I see are so minor: I'm not always sure I like the way my clothes lay over the band, would prefer if it came in nude, and it can be rather warm during these hot summer days. But, seriously, everything feels warm on these hot summer days, and the comfort this affords is worth it.

I give the Baby Belly Band a rave review. To make it even sweeter, I found a small online discount (BBB20) for 20% off.

photo from Baby belly band Home

18 Days Later...

I thought I was going to get back into a good blogging routine with some regular posts each week. There are some milestones I've missed (M's 2nd birthday, Father's Day...) and lots of regular life happening. Alas, my inspired intentions fell flat with all the activity of the past weeks. Here is just a glimpse at what we've had going on:

• The kids and I drove from VA to IL to spend a few weeks visiting family. We drove about 10 hours the first day, then spent two (wonderful!) nights in KY with friends. The second day was supposed to be 8 hours but took nearly another 10. We stopped at the farm briefly to say HELLO to everyone, then drove 5 more miles to Grandpa B's house, where we are spending evenings and mornings quietly.
• After arriving on Thursday night, we left Saturday a.m. to celebrate a cousin's wedding in WI. Another nearly 8 hours in the van that day... but so sweet to share the JOY of these families uniting. Tamara was beautiful, the music was beautiful. I just love weddings for the reminder of the vows we made nearly 13 years ago. And I have to laugh, because The Lawyer and I have really taken to heart the Catholic vow to "welcome and accept children gladly as gifts from the Lord"- even though I don't remember that as part of our vows and even though we aren't Catholic. I joked that we look more Catholic than the Catholic families. =)
• During the few days before leaving for IL, I decided to prepare food for traveling as well as for The Lawyer when we were gone. Wouldn't it seem like a good time for a major shopping trip and hours in the kitchen? The great news is that we left him stocked with shredded, cooked chicken, lots of cooked and frozen beans, pounds of prepared taco meat/beans (The Lawyer could really take most all the credit for this!), and three weeks worth of chicken to grill in different marinades. This website was my inspiration. But then I decided that simpler was better this time, so I used these marinades. I confess, it was super fun to throw everything in the VitaMix and have 12 meals done in an hour. 
• I became a pool mom! Because the neighborhood pool is within walking distance of our house (actually there are two pools we can walk/bike to and one is only a few minute's walk away), and because so many of our friends are members of the pool, we decided to become summer members and give our children lots of outside/pool time. Not quite sure what this is going to look like yet (especially since we aren't there for nearly 4 weeks), but we did already go swimming several times and our children LOVED it.
• Because my sister is due with her second baby (Emmy!), I adjusted my trip so that I wouldn't be leaving IL just before I could see my new niece. This meant we left a week later than I originally anticipated and we are keeping our return date flexible. She is due June 29, but I've nothing scheduled in VA until July 9th (my own appointment with our midwife and a 22 week ultrasound).
• oops! Did you miss it? I'm not-so- surreptitiously announcing that our family is expecting another Curtis baby in November. We are thrilled. This is an unexpected blessing. (I know you may not believe me, but I tell the truth!) The kids were giddy and giggly when we told them a few weeks ago. Since then, we've shared our good news with close friends and family and at 18 weeks now are ready to share our JOY and anticipation with the world. Besides, the world knows if they have seen me. (*smile*) So, for many weeks past I've been a bit on the nauseous and weary side of things.
• Because of delaying our trip, I was actually in Richmond the weekend of the VA Homeschooling Convention. I've never attended one. First, I think I've always been out of town that weekend. Second, even if I were in VA in June I didn't want to pay the $ to attend, plus find childcare, and risk being completely overwhelmed by all I didn't know before. This time a friend GAVE me her ticket at the last minute, our other dear friends offered to give me rides with them, The Lawyer finished his Friday early after a trial,  and I managed to make it to one session on Friday night and spent all day Saturday at the Convention. The Lawyer was a bit nervous that I would attend and still have all that food prep to do... but the Lord took care of all the details and somewhere in my spirit I am still a refreshed, re-inspired homeschooling mom. I'm eager to share some of the notes I took that really struck my heart.
• Those were all the big things, I think. Now, we're settling into a bit of a groove here, trying to see people we love, cleaning out Grandpa's house a bit at a time, and enjoying this summer pace. (late nights and early mornings and afternoon siestas!)

Nutritional Impact (specifically on Infertility, Pregnancy)

The kids are in Vacation Bible School this week, so I was home with M this morning. While he nursed, I watched a fabulous webinar on pregnancy, infertility, and nutrition for life. Most of this I had heard before, but Denise Romney highlighted some studies and facts I found staggering. (Do you know about PQQ?) So, here is your nutrition education for the week!

From Womb to World: Good Nutrition From the Start

On Infant Mortality

This is just a snippet, but I really like it- especially because one of my midwives is on it! Good fodder for thought.

Advice For My Sister

Because I think there ought to be some benefit to having an older sister, I've decided to put down some thoughts tonight. My own sister may or may not appreciate this (though she is expecting!), but I know that if I don't post. . . I'll forget it all myself! So here are some of my thoughts, 3 weeks postpartum.

1) Read! Read while you are pregnant. (You'll forget a lot of it anyway, if your pregnant brain is like mine!) Find good books like The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth and The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers. (See my doula friend's website for a more comprehensive list of great reads.) You can reread these books when you're nursing or resting (or jiggling your baby!), but it's better to have some foundational knowledge before you find yourself trying to undo habits you unwittingly formed.

2) Know that natural childbirth is painful, but it is also exhilarating and will be an experience unlike and unequaled by anything else in your life. You can do it! Having a friend or midwife or doula or spouse who can encourage you and remind you of this is so valuable, because you will wonder whether or not you are going to survive.

3) Having a baby isn't very messy, but it can be messy afterward. You will bleed and cramp. Your breasts may leak. You may have stitches. It's kind of like having your period with an abundance of hormones to boot and another whole set of issues going on with your mammary glands. No one told me this and I do wish I would have known.

4) You will still have a belly even after having a baby. After your first baby, it won't be so much of a belly as after subsequent children. Three weeks out, I still look like I'm about 5 or 6 months pregnant. This takes awhile to change. In fact, I'm still wearing maternity clothes because they are most comfortable, or clothes that are generally too big for me.

5) It is NOT a good idea to try on your "regular" clothes, even if people are telling you that you look great. Even though I weigh 17 pounds less than I did before giving birth, my thighs haven't changed enough to allow my pants to make it to my waist. On a day when I'm feeling pretty good, this can be a harsh dose of reality.

6) The mask of pregnancy and the linea nigra will go away, but these, too, take time. (The main advice remains: give it time!) Stretch marks don't really go away (so I hope you've been using good lotion or oils!).

7) Have oil on hand for the baby's bum. This time we used jojoba oil. Put it on with the first diaper and the meconium to come will slide right off. Otherwise, you'll have a hard time removing the "tar" from the bum.

8) Bath-schmath. If the baby has vernix, you can gently rub it into their skin. You can easily clean them with a small cloth, but probably will not need to. Baths dry out babies sensitive skin- and do you really think they need it?

9) Clip their nails; don't use the little mittens. Okay, this is just a preference of mine... I'd rather count those precious fingers and feel them grasp my own than cover them with fabric to prevent scratches. It's easy to clip nails in the beginning because the baby sleeps so much; just clip when they sleep! (I'm practically full service; I file as well.) Plus, why deprive them of the sense of touch?

10) Rest when the baby rests. I know, we hear it all the time. . . but really. Do it when you can. When you only have one baby this is much easier to do than when you have multiple children (requiring one well orchestrated afternoon nap for everyone). Resting while holding the baby doesn't necessarily count. I think it's probably not our best rest when our mommy brain is still on auto, making sure we don't drop our sweetie.

11) Grandma told me that it's okay if the baby cries. SO, if you need to shower or go to the bathroom or get a drink... it's okay. If the baby cries when you have put them down for a rest, it could just be a resettling between light and deep sleep. If you rush in, you may inhibit their learning to put themselves back to sleep. If you can wait for just a few minutes (watch the clock because 1 minute will seem like 10), you may be pleasantly surprised by silence.

12) Put meals in your freezer, if you can. These really are helpful to pull out on hectic nights when the baby cries from 5 p.m. on and you feel too frazzled (or at least your arms are too busy) to make dinner. This is easy to do by doubling a few recipes each week.

13) Maintain your health. I still use my pitcher of water so I can keep track of how much I'm drinking. This is especially important when nursing, yet I often feel too busy to get a drink. (How silly to be too busy to take care of myself!) Keep eating your JuicePlus! Maintain your healthy eating; you're still eating for two and even developing your baby's taste preferences by what you eat.

14) Have thank yous on hand before the baby comes so you can pick them up in quiet moments and work on them.

15) Read up on vaccinations and breastfeeding, especially. Your decisions on these things will affect how often you visit your baby's doctor in the first few months. If you know your pediatrician and their philosophies on wellness before you run into troubles, it will save you time and stress. (We once thought our doctor was pro-breastfeeding and were discouraged when he quickly advised us to use formula to boost L's weight, instead of suggesting ways to increase milk supply.)

16) Use a lactation consultant! If you've read my "re-latch" post, you'll know why I encourage this. If you start right, you'll save yourself lots of pain! I always thought nursing would be natural and easy to figure out. (Insert nipple into baby's mouth- can't be too complicated, right?) Apparently, I was wrong- and I love learning new things.

I know there are more... but it will have to wait for another night when I have 40 rare minutes like I did tonight, without a baby in my arms or children on my lap or a phone to my ear. But the most important advice: love it. Live it fully! Embrace the wildness that is labor and birthing and having a baby. It is so precious, so splendid! So wonderful. I love that we share this now, too.

Birth Day Story

This isn't intended for everyone. If you don't want the details of a birth story, please skip this post! It is good for my memory, however, because I forget all of this. It is good for me to think about it and recognize the Lord's hand and to know that He sustains us through all things. Please forgive errors; I'll probably need to correct and edit this again. I've worked on this post for several days now but have been unable to complete it to my satisfaction... so I'm going to post and then change it if I find time/energy!

Friday I woke early with a migraine headache and contractions. Even though I got up and took a shower, I felt terrible. My body was shaking and I vomited. B and I weren't sure if the pain of the headache was causing the distress, or if the contractions were contributing (which would indicate that I really was in labor). He called the midwife (Leslie), who came over and gave me the best migraine headache care I've ever received. Another friend took the children, and I was able to rest in the dark with heating pads and ice packs, peppermint, and advil in my system. By about 10 a.m. I was feeling much relieved and B and I took a walk. At that point we decided that I would try to take it easy for the rest of the day, but that labor didn't seem imminent. (I was about 4 cm dilated at this time and 50% effaced and the baby was at 0 station; this was nearly identical to what I had been 10 days prior.) I went to the chiropractor that afternoon, hoping that would help alleviate the remaining migraine. I had been twice in the last month or so and was hoping that the adjustments would be beneficial for labor, too. (She said she thought the baby would be born in 3 days- Monday.) T and I took a nap together before B and the other kids got home from the friend's.

Interestingly, all the neighbors had noticed the midwife's Volvo at our house in the morning and must have been watching the proceedings. I think four of them called us later that day "just to check in." One was setting up for a yardsale the next day and I went over to visit with her. It was nice to sit outside in the cool of the evening and rest in her lawn chair. Next door we had new neighbors moving in. It felt busy on our quiet little street, and I realized that our homebirth was also a bit of a neighborhood birth this time.

Saturday was gorgeous here, and very warm (80s). Even though the whole day stretched before me (we hadn't made plans for this particular day!), I was restless. L and I went to the downtown farmer's market at 7:30 and picked up a few things. B and O did the yard work. I swept the steps and the walk, but felt myself running low on steam. A neighbor stopped to chat and I wished I had somewhere to sit. Spent some time in the kitchen, using leftovers to make soup for lunch that we ate outside, and preparing pizza dough for dinner. I thought about making more food to put in the fridge, but my back was aching a lot and I noticed contractions; I didn't feel much like standing around in the kitchen. (It was disappointing to me that my back would ache so much just the day after the chiropractor. Friday was the best my back had felt in awhile and Saturday was much worse.)

T and I pruned the Crepe Myrtles out front. While we were working on the trees, a neighbor came over to chat. He commented that we reminded him of Little House on the Prairie; that I was going to be outside working right up until the baby would be born. We laughed, especially because I was on hands and knees getting dirty and sweaty, yet even then I felt my energy waning. . . and the trimmings were left in the grass.

B was gone for several hours that afternoon, mostly during the children's rest. He went to give plasma, which we knew would be about a 2 hour affair. As the 2 hour mark came and passed, I found myself restless again, wanting only to sit and drink water, and the kids were missing Daddy. I noted several stronger contractions and my back was still aching. When B arrived home I kidded him that he shouldn't have been unreachable by phone for so long when I was past our due date.

The rest of the day passed pretty much the same way: I was tired and feeling heavy and restless. We visited friends briefly in their home, which was a pleasant diversion from the normal Saturday house chores (that I wasn't doing well!). My friend promised me that "the baby WILL come" and I told her that is exactly what my midwife says.

After dinner I sat with the children on the couch, with a heating pad for my back. I had asked B if he would show us some old home videos of the kids when they were very young. (Another pleasant distraction for me!) My neighbor came over to ask me some questions about homeschooling; she also wondered how I was feeling. I told her I just couldn't see feeling like this for three more days, that all day I had felt different than I remembered feeling during other pregnancies. Surely, I must be nearing the end (I thought!).

Once the children were in bed, B and I looked at each other and wondered aloud what we should do. I had been sitting at the computer and halfheartedly noting contractions during the time that he was tucking kids in. I told him they were about 8-10 minutes apart. He wasn't very concerned, but nothing sounded good to me. I closed the computer and decided that I would take a shower and go to bed. B remained downstairs.

I continued having contractions and back pain while I prepared for the shower. "Ow," I would say aloud. This continued while I was in the shower, which is when B came upstairs to check on me. I heard him climbing the stairs and O leaned out of his bunk, opened his bedroom door, and informed B, "Mom is having lots of contractions, Dad."

B stood in the bathroom, listening to me and timing a few contractions. "I think you should call Leslie," I said.

"They are still about eight minutes apart," he said. "You're like clockwork."

"Well, I think you should call her," I persisted. "They don't hurt like this unless I'm going to have a baby." At this time, I had finished showering but was still in the water, leaning over and saying "ow" through contractions. He called Leslie (the midwife) and my friend Katy, who was coming as support and also learning midwifery assistance.

Katy came a few minutes later (she only lives a few blocks away). I had gotten out of the shower, put on a tank top, and asked B to brush my hair so I would feel more presentable, but nothing more. I was still in the bathroom, leaning against the sink during contractions, cracking jokes and chatting with B and Katy in between pains. Leslie arrived and listened to the baby; things sounded great.

Everything that happened next is a blur to me. I know Leslie's assistant arrived and helped to set up all the birthing supplies. I know my friend and doula, Laurie, arrived. I was encouraged by Katy and Laurie's gentle words. B was faithfully applying pressure to my low back through each contraction. I remember saying to B, "Did I ever tell you that I hate this part?" (speaking of the contractions with back pain) and I also remember saying, "There isn't much of a break now." As the contractions came wave upon wave, I wanted to sit on the toilet (typical of all my births). Instead, I tried the birthing chair. I liked the handles and it was fine for awhile (I have no concept of time then), but then I felt like I didn't want anything near my bottom and I asked again for the toilet. Leslie suggested I try hands and knees instead. "Sure; nothing is comfortable!" I said.

Once I was on hands and knees I felt it was all I could do to breathe and work through the contractions. I was moaning (and counting the seconds in my head!)and trying to think opening, relaxing thoughts. My body started pushing while hands pressed my back, and applied hot compresses to my belly and perineum. I wanted to watch, but felt like my eyes closed to the pain and to focus my strength and energy. No one told me to push, no one ever checked my dilation; labor simply took over. I remember Leslie telling me that the baby was crowning and asking me to "blow. Eeek your baby out." I looked, but couldn't see well. There were wonderful sounds of triumph as his head emerged and I felt the quick flip of his body following. . . .

And there are no words. I lack words for that moment. The joy. . . the exhilaration, the exhaustion, the elation. . .

Miles was born at 10:31 p.m., 35 minutes after the midwife arrived. (I heard later that she had whispered to everyone, "This could go fast.") The amniotic sack was still intact when his head emerged; Leslie broke it. Everything was amazing; he was wonderfully perfect. Smaller than I imagined he would be. He had a loud, lusty cry right from the beginning, which caused me to think of the children, sleeping in their beds. I wondered if any of them had woken, but they hadn't. Placenta was delivered in the bathroom, then Leslie gave me three little stitches in our bed (after an episiotomy with O, I've torn in the same place with every birth). The midwife and all of the women did their amazing work, taking care of everything quietly and efficiently. I had motherwort and chlorophyll and arnica and was cleaned up and settled. They all left by 1 a.m. and B and I tucked Miles into a laundry basket and all went to bed. L woke shortly after that (when we were still awake) to use the bathroom. B called her in and she peeked into the basket. We had several quiet, wonderful minutes with her enjoying Miles; it was so very precious.

Everyone slept until nearly 7 a.m. on Sunday. As the boys woke, we called them in to look in the basket. I will never forget the way their eyes lit up with surprise and delight; it was exactly like the wonder of Christmas. And it felt it to me, too. Wonderful, unbelievable, miraculous. The beginning of something new and deliciously special. Too much to take in. Too much to adequately celebrate. And we praised the Lord. And I'm leaning on Him and praising Him still.

Stats

Miles Andrew
born May 1, 2010
10:31 p.m.
6 pounds, 13 ounces
20 inches long

Miles (Latin: soldier; English: merciful) Andrew (valiant, courageous).

He looks most like R and T, with dark hair and ears like B's cousin Mike (bike blog below) and something about him that reminds us of my cousin Andrew (middle name sake). He was smaller than any of the other boys at birth, but is healthy and term, sleeping and nursing like a champ.

All praise to our Father!

40 Weeks and Counting

Yikes! I guess the baby widget counts UP once you pass your due date!

Our neighbors are anxiously watching our house (some even know to look for the midwife's volvo!). I think people are taking note whether or not I'm out walking in the morning.

Way back at the beginning of the pregnancy I was telling people we were due in May (mostly so they wouldn't be anxious if there wasn't a baby early in April). I really did think that this baby would come at the 39 week mark or so. Shows what I know! And so here we are, with me very pregnant, waiting on the Lord and waiting to meet our baby... any day.

On Homebirth

After delivering three babies at home, I'm still a bit surprised that other people are surprised that we would choose to have this baby at home (Lord willing). O was born in the hospital, R was at home with a physician (amazingly rare!), and L and T were assisted in birth by midwives. We feel completely comfortable and confident in this decision, while I can easily say that it isn't for everyone.

This article is a quick summary of homebirth safety (which seems to be people's primary concern).

We also choose to birth at home for these reasons:
-Comfort. I love being in my bed with my familiar surroundings. When I enter a hospital, I tense up; it's not normal to me or comforting.

-Control. I know I'm not in control during the birth (such an out-of- control feeling labor is!), but I do like that I can make logical decisions, such as to eat if I am hungry or drink if I'm thirsty. I like that I can control the level of chaos or noise or lighting. I can sit in our bathtub if I choose. Those decisions are up to B and I.

-Family. After each birth I find myself eager for the other kids to be present. They don't need to witness the physical act of giving birth, but I don't want them to miss any of the precious moments afterward when we are all so eager to meet the newest member of our family. I don't want to delay that sweetness! And I genuinely miss my kids when we aren't together.

-Prayer and Peacefulness and Privacy. I love that I can be covered in prayer by people I know (you develop such a relationship with a midwife!). I also love the peacefulness that settles over everything when the baby is nestled in my arms and all is quiet. Even though I have an appreciation for nurses, I'm so glad I don't have to meet anyone for the first time when I am going through the physical stress of labor. I'm also glad that I don't have nurses coming in and out, checking, etc. when all is CALM and good. It is so right to me to sleep with that sleeping newborn, to lay in bed for hours learning that baby, to listen to my other children playing outside, to have healthy food to eat from our kitchen. It's so good!

"The Only Thing. . . "

R gets his cast off tomorrow. The three weeks have gone quickly, for the most part. He's had three baths, figured out how to ride a bike with one leg, performed tricks with the crutches, listened to hours upon hours of books on tape. . . and generally got on quite well. As we were leaving church today he asked me, "You know the only thing I don't like about having a cast?"

I knew, because he has told me before. Other people have been concerned for him, but I've tried to assure everyone that he hasn't minded much. This he confirmed again.

R: "The only thing I don't like is everyone asking me about it."

I feel the SAME way. There was a fleeting thought in the middle of the night that I didn't want to go to church because people would see that I was still pregnant. And they would ask me about it. And I would have to repeat the same information. It really isn't such a bad thing... but it is maybe the only thing I don't like about being 40 weeks pregnant (tomorrow!).

39 Weeks

We aren't surprised that I'm still pregnant, are we?

Another round of grocery shopping, cleaning, nail clippings, library exchanges, and errands are in the works. I still can't picture life with precious baby 5. I'll check the birth supplies once more today, but I know that there are diapers (and wipes!) and clean clothes and blankets. After four children, the necessities seem few. Hopefully, we'll be able to borrow a bouncy seat or swing or something (relatively safer than laying a baby on the floor around here!); I hadn't thought about those things until this week. I'm sure my brain is failing me; so I'm praying for flexibility and peace and wisdom from the Lord.

What a wonderful thing to carry a baby to term! It is SUCH a blessing to have a healthy pregnancy. I still credit JuicePlus+ with making a positive impact on the health of the pregnancy and baby. And I'm still walking. And I have excellent midwifery care.

40 weeks is right around the corner. I'm at my max pregnancy weight, when I normally deliver. I'm at the normal (for me) gestational age for delivery. We're within a week of the full moon; April 28 (all of the other children were born within 6 days of a full moon). The baby is at 0 station and I'm dilated, so I know that the contractions I've had off and on are effective. By no means am I anxious, but I anticipate, and my heart within me is quieted, like a bird in the hand of the Lord.

Faith to Receive

After strong contractions last night and thinking how near we are to welcoming our baby, I find myself with a headache this morning, fearful and feeling out of control. Of course, I know I'm not in control, but my flesh is so devious in the morning. I'm pasting this entire devotion because it went right to my anxious heart and maybe it will encourage you, too.

Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: A Lamp For My Feet
Scripture Reference:

Faith Is Holding Out Your Hand

Sometimes when I was a child my mother or father would say, "Shut your eyes and hold out your hand." That was the promise of some lovely surprise. I trusted them, so I shut my eyes instantly and held out my hand. Whatever they were going to give me I was ready to take. So it should be in our trust of our heavenly Father. Faith is the willingness to receive whatever He wants to give, or the willingness not to have what He does not want to give.

I am content to be and have what in Thy heart
I am meant to be and have.
--(George MacDonald, Diary of an Old Soul)

From the greatest of all gifts, salvation in Christ, to the material blessings of any ordinary day (hot water, a pair of legs that work, a cup of coffee, a job to do and strength to do it), every good gift comes down from the Father of Lights. Every one of them is to be received gladly and, like gifts people give us, with thanks.

Sometimes we want things we were not meant to have. Because He loves us, the Father says no. Faith trusts that no. Faith is willing not to have what God is not willing to give. Furthermore, faith does not insist upon an explanation. It is enough to know his promise to give what is good--He knows so much more about that than we do.

Folate Vs. Folic Acid

Did you know there is a difference? Folate is in food; folic acid has been added to our food. Information coming out now is pointing to the dangers of consuming folic acid. I feel especially passionate about passing on this article ("Is Your Breakfast Giving You Cancer?", because I am just one of many expectant moms, most of whom are being encouraged to consume a multi-vitamin with folic acid. After my own reading and research, we decided over four years ago that multi-vitamins were not proven safe or effective. "The research is mixed, at best," says Jay Martin, president of NSA JuicePlus. During my pregnancies, I confidently eat extra JuicePlus because it is ONLY food and I know that the folate I need is best consumed from these raw foods. Our family does not consume multi-vitamins. We stay away from things enriched and fortified. (Would you be enriched if someone stole $100 from you and then gave you back $10?!) We steer clear of processed foods and try to eat as WHOLE as possible.

These make total sense to me. Here are the conclusions of the above article from Prevention:

* Continue to eat as many foods as you want that contain natural folate (leafy greens, citrus fruits, lentils, and dried beans). You can't OD that way.

* Read labels. Cereals vary wildly in the amounts of folic acid they contain, and you can probably figure that you're getting more than the label says. One study of the 29 most popular cereals found that the actual level of folic acid and iron was up to 3 times higher than the amount listed. Check your sports drink too--many contain folic acid.

* Switch to noninstant oatmeal, which isn't usually fortified, instead of other breakfast cereals.

* Choose whole grain flour, bread, cereal, pasta, and rice. Whole grain foods aren't required to be fortified. As a result, 1 cup of whole wheat flour has only about 50 mcg of folic acid, while the same amount of refined flour contains almost 400 mcg. If your bread or cereal is made with whole grain flour, that should be the first ingredient listed.

* Rethink that multivitamin. A recent CDC study discovered that half of supplement users who took supplements with more than 400 mcg of folic acid exceeded 1,000 mcg per day of folic acid. Most supplements pack 400 mcg. If you take a multi as insurance, ask your doctor whether individual supplements (of vitamin D and calcium, for instance) may be smarter.

Still Getting Ready

Haircuts. Nails trimmed. Baby things organized. Bassinet up. Carseat accessible. Blinds dusted. Furniture rearranged. Clothes sorted and donations ready to go.

These are the kinds of things that give me a sense of being more ready for a new baby. (At 38+ weeks, we think the baby could come any day.)

Then, while walking tonight, I had the thought: If I were home right now and the baby was here, too. . . I'd be nursing and changing and putting a baby to bed. For some reason I just can't picture that! Add to that my thought today that surely, though my belly is large, I just can't possibly have a "full-size newborn" in there. . .

I don't think there really is a getting ready. The only thing I really want is a ready heart, an accepting heart, a heart leaned hard into the Lord. Oh, prepare me!

Where to Put the Bassinet

The birth supplies are in order, the clothes and blankets and diapers stacked on bookshelves in our room. There are some snacks around and enough groceries to last the week. I'm thinking it's time to wash the car seat cover and put up the pack-n-play bassinet. Our room is feeling crowded. . .

So, I muse aloud and ask L (4 and 11/12ths!) what she would think about having the bassinet in her room.

"Great!" she enthusiastically responds.

"I'm not sure." I say. I don't want the baby to wake her up in the night.

"Well, maybe you could just teach me how to make milk and I could feed the baby for you." she volunteers. I see the sincerity on her face and am so touched. I thank her for the offer but explain that won't work.

"That's okay," she says. "If the baby cries, I'll just pick him up and bring him to you so you can nurse."

Oh, this sweet girl! How I remember feeling this way with our first- that it was such an exciting joy to need to be up at night to meet a baby's needs. Now my selfishness rears it's head and I dread the sleepiness of months without resting through the night. I'm looking forward, thinking of adding another CHORE, instead of looking at the JOY of serving, of being needed, of the sweet baby smell in the dark. My daughter, bless her, reminds me of all of this. (But I haven't put the bassinet in her room yet!)

Give Up or Work Harder

We're 38 weeks now and I feel sure that this baby will meet us sometime this month. I've been juggling all of life, wearing my mom hat and teacher hat and wife hat and kitchen apron and phone headset. . .

Last week was a busy week of sharing health and building into our wellness community. I love that. It excites me to share wellness with others, to see them making small changes that bring about good things in their families. Yet it takes time.

We didn't accomplish (I'm loathing that word!) much in school last week. I had a migraine one day that turned into a complete wash and the next day I gratefully allowed the children to play while I picked up the pieces. I really hoped to be further along before the baby came so that I could relax into summertime, when we school more flexibly, working through literature and different math books and it takes less time. We also spent six hours on Tuesday at dr. offices (R's cast). . .

I look around and the house isn't as clean and tidy as I would like it to be. I SEE all the nesting projects I'd like to tackle, but am either restrained by finances or time. I'm wondering how to balance things. Even though I am doing less "work" this week, I want to clean up schooling, ready the house, and well, prepare. Can I be mentally prepared for another life? And, of course, in all of this there are character issues rising to the surface and things that need to be dealt with in the children's hearts, and in my own.

Do I work harder, try to accomplish these things? Or throw up my arms and surrender to the chaos? How do I live dependent on Him, relying on His strength and His timing and His GRACE for each of us? The cleaning will always need attended to, the laundry will always be waiting, bellies will need refilling, hearts will need attending, need mercy.

I throw myself on grace today. Lord, give me the grace I need to live. . . SEEING You and praising You.

101. Job opportunity still possible, and yet postponed until July. So thankful I don't have to have a baby AND move!
102. Lilacs. Reminds me of my dad and my Grandma Lamoreux. Fills the house with an incredible April scent.
103. Lettuces and spinach growing in the garden.
104. Gift of compost!
105. One meal in the freezer (God moved a friend to give!).
106. Clean white bedspread (wet again!).
107. Friends who just drop by.
108. Little green cherries.
109. Boys working in the yard.
110. Husband and oldest striding to church together.
111. Hard conversations, humility.
112. Boy's careful handwriting, telling what his mouth resists saying.
113. Joy of new life, God-breathed, in my friend.
114. Schoolwork at the picnic table.
115. New library books poured over.

37 Weeks

We are now officially considered full term, so the home birth will proceed as planned unless something unexpected happens to send us to VA Baptist.

I'm hot. Really hot. The nice weather is nice. . . and making me hot. I've had swollen ankles for the first time ever. I'm also experiencing more Braxton Hicks contractions than I remember with other pregnancies (but, let's face it; I don't remember.). I just don't have the feeling that I'll be pregnant for another month. Even though I was 42 weeks with T, I'm confident that the dates were off a bit. This time I feel more confident about the due date (April 25). O, R, and L were all between 37 and 1/2 and 38 and 1/2 weeks. . . so. . . we shall see!

Dear friends have had babies recently and I'm so thankful to see those precious little ones. I have moments of excitement to meet our own little Curtis (though mostly I'm too preoccupied to think much OR I'm thinking of all the adjustments to come). If the Lord gives me many more of these hot, uncomfortable, pregnant days I will most definitely be ready to face the challenge of bringing forth another One and welcoming them to our Curtis life.