Monday, December 5, 2011

Weighing Moments, Gifts

These days just seem to be slipping past so quickly. I have fleeting thoughts of things I'd like to post, ideas that I want to flesh out in words, but by the time I sit in the quiet of the evening the thoughts have been lost in the background of the day. I take quick peeks at some of my favorite blogs (without even the time to read a full post!); after reading the words of women I admire I have even less to say. Then, I retire to Scripture as the night unravels and, lost in wisdom, I find I have nothing to say at all.

Oft on my mind recently is the fact that I am not now an "older" woman. My children are in grade school while the young mothers I'm around have preschoolers and babies. I've been married for over a decade. I'm the age of the women who were influential in my life when I was a teenager and young mom, the wonderful women who paid me to watch their children and then shared freely with me their wisdom. I feel like I am still the one who needs to learn, the babysitter. . . and not the mother responsible for all of these people.

All of a sudden I'm taking a long look at my life and realizing that it's past time for me to discover my passion and purpose and apply myself to the purpose God has given me. (Obviously the Lord has blessed me with a family and that is my primary sphere of influence and service right now. I'm wondering how to best apply the strengths He has endowed me- through this season and into the next and the next. . . ) I don't feel young anymore but sense a weightiness and gravity to the time that is here- and passing.

We have been having conversations about these big life choices: where to live, how to serve others, what is required of us, what we hope for our own family. We still feel very much in transition, even though we like where we are there are elements that chafe.

Nearly all of our extended family lives in IL, more than 14 hours away by car. As we age, they age, too. The years for our children to spend with their grandparents are passing, and now there are cousins and aunts and uncles that we miss, too. Our hope for our own family is to stay close and to continue doing life together well past the time that the children move out and begin their own families. Is it too much to hope and plan for this when we aren't living it ourselves? We also feel a responsibility to care for our elders and serve them as they invested and served us in our youth. And so, we wonder.

The time isn't right for us to make any moves or even any decisions. There aren't options to consider and opportunities haven't been presented. We are just thinking and praying.

In these thoughtful days I'm thankful. I will keep counting God's gifts, turning this gift-counting into a habit, into gift-thinking.
847) Wheat kernels from IL, pouring from bags into buckets. Pouring through pudgy hands and spilling golden from one hand to another.
848) Gift of venison to come. Thanks for good hunting!
849) T and M playing in the bathtub, laughing and throwing a wet washcloth at each other.
850) Amazing properties of plants, of oils, of micro nutrients!
851) Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead- inspiration!
852) Gift of clothing. We prayed for clothes for L and received two dresses!
853) Quiet evenings of books, Jesse tree, and candles
854) Things to look forward to: a gathering of homeschooling mothers
855) Bags and bags of leaves from the front yard
856) Delight over M's communication. Everyone smiles when he puts two words together: "Bye, O" or adds new words. Tonight it was "rice" and "salsa."
857) Sunshine on the trail where there was shade before. Even mellow winter sunshine is a gift!
858) Boisterous children's voices lifted in song ("Blessed Assurance!")
859) Wondrous promises for me, even from the beginning. He, knowing what was to come, made a way for me through His love, through the years. . . an amazing story.
860) Holding The Lawyers hand as children chatter happily around us.

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