Sunday, March 13, 2011

What's Hardest to Give

The Lawyer and I have dear friends serving as missionaries overseas. The Lawyer's best man from our wedding has a brother in IL whose daughter is undergoing treatment for cancer. We have followed along on their blog, prayed for their family, and talked with our children about this.

I'm often pierced right through by the things Jada (the six year old fighting cancer) says. Her words and actions reveal incredible faith. Recently, Doug has been reading a book about Job to her, and he blogged that Jada said, "It seems like God always wants what's hardest to give."

Tonight, that is challenging me.

We have a great life. ALL is gift; all is grace (as I first heard from Ann).

I look at the week ahead and wonder what God wants me to give.

Our house is listed again and we had a showing today. We have also watched every other house on our street sell. And our friend's house a few streets away; they were in no hurry to move. And friends in FL who have to move in 30 days. And I stain the floor and I paint and put a new flag out and a wreath up and The Lawyer rakes and picks up sticks and spruces up the outside. And we work like crazy on Sundays (so desperate for Sabbath rest!) for showings and open houses. And we wait.

Our need for another vehicle presses upon us. I prematurely rejoiced last week when we were told of a potential gift of a car. . . it seemed like such incredible, God-only-kind of provision. But the car doesn't run and needs too much work to make it a "working" option. So we wait.

As I think about the week ahead, the rub seems to be this: I've trusted God and believed He would do these BIG things for us- providing a buyer for our home, providing a vehicle. I've been full of joy and praise when it looked like these were given. . . and then I've been disappointed when they weren't. I've come to look at all of it as gift. . . but then, a few breaths later, I'm wondering how much longer we'll wait for His provision.

Maybe what's hardest for me to give is simply PRAISE. Praise all the time. Believing that all this is the provision and using my lips and my hands and all of me to give thanks.

Maybe I'm starting to see what the 1000 gifts are all about. Maybe it is finally sinking into my soul.

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