Oh, the story seems to be the same week after week. I want to be thankful. I'd like to have a joyful, happy spirit. I do want my children to know I love this life. But my complaints are subtle and my standards and ideals unattainable. All of a sudden I know that my words have been hasty and short, that I have left wounded hearts behind me as I attended to the next ("more important") thing. Remorse billows in my spirit and in the same breath I vow to do better and I quit because it's too hard.
What hope is there for a sinner like me? Trying to shepherd these precious ones and knowing my insufficiency, yet trying to hide what I lack with what I do. Is it really as simple as pausing to give thanks? Has there been any true transformation of this crusty, selfish soul or am I hoping that a "thankful for" list can cover over my deep ungratefulness?
The truth is ugly and yet I still need to give thanks. I'm called to this. And the transformational work is up to Him. And I'm praying to be more willing.
So thankful for. . .
861) Handwritten letter from the 10 year old to his FL friend
862) All of the dishes done (put away even!)
863) Christmas cards from loved ones, connecting our hearts even over great distances
864) Feeling beautiful after a haircut
865) Vanilla Black tea
866) Shoes that fit L that she wore without complaint
867) T waiting for The Lawyer to rejoin our game of Uno before he would take his turn
868) Free books! For learning and learning and learning. . .
869) Tart cranberries bursting in a mouth
870) Warm comforter straight from the dryer to the bed
871) The Lawyer: "don't ever divorce me. It'll be a big mess. Or have a child out of wedlock; that would be bad, too."