In the throes of change some things become visible, as boulders exposed when a river's current runs low. Even as boxes sit in the corners of the rooms, I find a deep sense of peace that some things are not changing. I continue to list grace upon grace and gift upon gift.
We rise and we sleep (#681). We have daily manna- Proverbs at breakfast- and the children often finish the verses from memory. (What an amazing thing; memory! #682) We continue to work on committing Colossians to memory. We eat; oh yes, we eat! And there is still food in the house. (#683) There is still laundry to do and dishes to do and all the everyday chores that come with having a family and a house (#684). The children squabble and the boys wrestle (#685) and there are hurts and pouts and angry eyebrows (#685). . . followed by apologies and quiet moments, praying, and receiving forgiveness, which we really don't deserve (#686). I read to the children and savor the few minutes of rapt attention (#687) as they are drawn into the story. Then, they rest. The Lawyer and I continue this mystery of marriage (#688) and I fall on my knees as the day starts and as it ends.
With so much stripped away, I'm back to the basics: pack and prepare to move and do the basics.
This past weekend The Lawyer mentioned that it was good to see me playing with the children again. It was true. I haven't played much nor been much fun over the past year. When I was always seeking to keep everyone on track I couldn't relax. With The Lawyer home, I felt free to play hide-and-seek with M (13 mo) upstairs; knowing that the other kids were being looked after. And it was such fun! (#689) I could jump on the trampoline with the bigger kids and know that M was safe inside. Releasing the mantle of authority for the family brings such a fresh breeze to my soul!
And I think to myself, "I want to do more of this."
I want to laugh more! To play more. To surprise my family and bless them. To take time for tenderness and conversations and reading far past bedtime (every once in awhile!).
And then today, we read this:
"Jonathan Edwards became a noble, outstanding citizen in our country. These are the five resolutions which he adopted and followed closely all his life:
RESOLVED: To live with all my might while I do live.
RESOLVED: Never to lose one moment of time, but to use it in the most profitable way I possibly can.
RESOLVED: Never to do anything which I should despise or think meanly of in another.
RESOLVED: Never to do anything out of revenge.
RESOLVED: Never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life." (taken from Another Hive of Bees)
The kids and I talked about our own resolutions. What makes a great life? And not just a nice, comfortable life here on earth. . . but life beyond this?
Edwards' was resolved. May I be so resolved! As our circumstances change and the biggest "rocks" in my life become evident, it is a good time to evaluate and pray and resolve.