Thursday, September 9, 2010

My Weakness, His Goodness

The end of the second week is nearing (of B in Richmond at his new job), and our house has been on the market 41 days with nary any interest, and the grim reality has set in: I'm not very good at this (parenting, wifing, home management, home schooling, running a business). Surely, I ought to be finding some sort of rhythm or routine or groove here, learning how to manage things with B gone. It's a steep learning curve and my weaknesses show.

I'm not organized enough.
    But I think it could be worse. We do have groceries and clean clothes and parts of a plan.

I'm not disciplined enough.
     But there is grace for my weak flesh and disappointing myself isn't the same as disappointing Him.

I'm not focused enough.
     But I'm focused enough to snuggle my children and call my husband and fall on my knees.

I'm weary.
    But I'm weary partly because I have a four month old- and he's so wonderful. And partly because the afternoon rests have been filled with schooling and other things, which are also good and necessary.

I haven't remembered to get the mail all week.
     But I haven't had to deal with it, either.

I've barely exercised.
     But the night the boys and I jumped on the trampoline was so full of laughter and joy; it was good for  all of our hearts!

I'm not sleeping enough.
    But it is partly because I miss my husband, which is a good tug on my heart.

I've reached the cry threshhold- hours ago.
    But my weakness is somehow my strength, and my tears aren't tears of sorrow.

I am working as fast as I feel I can, and still I am behind and unable to accomplish all I hoped.
     But I cling to the truth that God has apportioned my work and somehow He will work through me all that needs to be done and the rest must not matter as much as I feel that it does. I'm SO thankful that my worth and value are not tied to what I can accomplish! Oh, I'm worse than I knew, but Jesus is so much better than I know!

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