Monday, April 26, 2010

Disappointments and Rainbows

Monday again! My pregnancy calendar turns over to 40 weeks today. I looked forward to taking R to have his cast removed. . . but things didn't turn out that way. Instead, I was frustrated that we didn't see the dr. and that the assistant recommended 2 more weeks in the cast "just to be on the safe side." Of course, I want his leg to heal properly, but this momma is also tired of pushing extra children around on errands and walks. I'm ready to have my 6 year old helper back (so is his older brother who has been shouldering extra chores for 3 weeks). I seriously think there is more danger in keeping him on crutches than in removing the cast. Not to mention, I'm hoping to have a baby soon and I'd like to know that R doesn't need special care when I have a new one needing it. Oh, my flesh groans! I want things easy!

As I started my walk this morning, I also realized that I was disappointed and needing to regroup from the weekend. I so thought it would be an ideal time to birth. Ha! Instead, it was a wonderful time to continue preparing, to spend time as a family, to organize and talk and play together. Yet, this morning I recognized that I felt I needed to get ready, mentally, all over again, surrendering the fear and resting.

And I turned the corner, and I saw the biggest, most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen in VA, spanning the rain-blue sky. It's Monday. I'll count blessings and gratitudes and let go of the disappointments and fears.

116. Early morning rainbow
117. Getting wet on my walk
118. Snowball bush in bloom
119. X-rays
120. Caring, competent midwives
121. Friends, so very excited for me, that it buoys me, too
122. Baked oatmeal
123. Clean, tiny baby clothes, waiting in the basket
124. Surprise gifts from friends and my sister
125. Unexpected phone call from my dad, just checking in
126. Being able to drop in on another family, welcomed
127. Kale and lettuce, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers going in the garden
128. Soft whir of the lawnmower, powered by my young man
129. Joyous birthday girl, still excited to tell everyone she turned 5 this week!
120. Vivid contrast of blue and green outside the window
121. Boy in a cast, on a bike
122. Gift of wheat
123. Quiet working beside my husband, doing the things that need to be done- together
124. File cabinet purged!
125. Pouring over books of baby wisdom, reminding myself, relearning, hoping, expecting
126. Azaleas catching my eye

holy experience

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