Sunday, January 10, 2010

Also at the Sonogram

I failed to mention that L and I were rather disappointed. I'm ashamed even to admit that we weren't completely happy and excited about this newest boy. We were so hoping for a girl. I'm embracing the idea now, but it has been emotional for me to think that probably I will never have another daughter, that L could be our only girl, that another girl (if ever) could be "so far" in the future (it seems far away from here, with pregnancy and delivery and nursing and all that looms before me!). My heart's desire is to have daughters! Though I am so very, very grateful for the miracle of this healthy baby boy. . . I've had to really pray and cry.

So did L. When the tech started the sonogram, O, R, and L were antsy. They fidgeted and whispered; their excitement was apparent. After B said, "I think I can see it's a boy" and I said, "Yes. I agree." and the tech said, "Yes, it definitely looks like a boy to me!". . . L grew very quiet. "It's a boy?" she asked, disbelievingly.

Her joy and energy seemed to drain away when Kim (the tech) reiterated, "Yes! A boy!" She snuggled deeper into B's lap, her interest draining away, too. After awhile she turned her head away from the sonogram and lay still in B's lap. Granted, it was rest time.

I love my daughter, for the common blood that courses through us. Part of me wanted to join her on her daddy's lap at the sonogram. We had extra snuggles later that day and quiet little sad moments that the two of us shared in complete understanding. Even the next morning we embraced with the same thought on our mind, needing the consolation and reassurance of one another.

Oh, Baby C! We are looking forward to meeting you. We are praying over your name. We are talking about you and thinking of you ("my baby broder kickin' me" T (2) says). We are so very thankful for you. Even as L and I cry and feel sorry that we won't have a little girl to love, we are thankful that the Lord sees fit to bring you, precious you.

1 comment:

Cara said...

I was disappointed, too... But I am glad that this little boy looks healthy!