Are my steps really ordered? Can I really trust that it is God himself who has me in this space and time and not just "the market" or my husband or the circumstances? I'm choosing to believe and choosing to give thanks today. I don't think I see like Ann does, but I want to. I want to be caught up in seeking joy, too.
Sunday was harder than past Sundays. I've come to feel that sinking weight in my stomach when I wake on Sunday morning, knowing that it is the day B will leave again. We fall into bed on Fridays, exhausted and yet elated at our family reunion. We work on Saturdays. Sunday is for resting. . . but my heart was roving yesterday, looking for answers.
My cousin sent me an article from an Ann Arbor paper about the economic recession and families who are splitting up so that the father can work in a different city or state to make ends meet. They called the women that stayed with the house and the children "recession widows." I guess I'm one, too.
We had an open house yesterday that no one came to. The house has been on the market for 2 months. Yesterday was also the end of the fourth week without B and the start of the fifth. It was sobering to think we've already done this parting five times. . . and now there will be at least five more (because we can count on staying in this house through October). *sigh* That wasn't such a fun thought.
And yet. Could this be for a greater chorus to rise to heaven? Can't this be for our good? Yes, I'm believing that it can. My humbled heart is so touched by all the many people who are praying for us. My humbled heart is grateful for the help we are receiving. My lonely heart is hungry enough to turn the pages of my Bible in bed, looking. Oh, let this be for our good!
And yet, we are grateful:
241) Rainy day box
242) Batteries that work
243) Sound of rain falling outside
244) Taste of warm bread
245) Unexpected gift. . ooh, new soft sheets
246) Glittery baby eyes
247) Boys playing the piano together
248) Night time stories in bed
249) Clouds brushing the sky under the moon
250) Gentle touch of my husband