I'm not usually up at this hour. Didn't expect to see the first moments of 2010. In fact, I fell asleep while the boys watched The Prince and the Pauper, sometime around 8 p.m. Then, when I went up to bed with B, I started waking up, started thinking, started crying. . . and even after his arm was limp and heavy over me I thought and the tears rolled into the sheets. I'm thinking so many things, mourning and hoping, praying and unable to pray.
Ann Voskamp's blog is such a source of inspiration for me. Years ago I thought of myself as a poet, a lover of words. Ann forges thoughts and feelings into words, crafts them in ways I think I have forgotten. These words of hers seem significant tonight:
"Time. It does this thing I just never get use to. This thing that wrests my heart right out, squeezes the arteries right dry, wrings me out.
It takes babies and children and all these days away. These days of books and paint sets and playdough. These days when they read all sprawled out and the snow falls. These days when we all know endless togetherness.
Lord, remind me often: Love is the only forever thing. Let me keep returning to that. Living that. And let Your love keep leading me Home."