On Staying Home

In the past few months it seems I have had several conversations with mothers about staying home and returning to work. To clarify, these are mothers who work outside of their homes. Honestly, it makes me very sad and what I lack in wisdom I am asking for the Lord to make up for in grace as I speak to these women, who are my friends, relatives, and acquaintances.

What I hear from women is how much they want children. They want children desperately. They grieve when they are not pregnant right away, as soon as they want to be. They try to conceive, often using great amounts of time and energy and financial resources. They want to have a family.

I wonder WHY. Why do women want to have children? What motivates someone who sets having a child as a goal. . .

And when they have their precious, longed-for child, they take their maternity time off from their job. When their time is up, they leave that same child (in well-researched, capable, excellent hands, of course!)so that they can return to work.

Well, this could obviously be a long post. AND, I'm sure I am offending some readers. I'm not claiming to have the corner on what each woman is supposed to be doing. There was also a season where I did work several hours a week outside of our home. I am simply thinking through my observations from some particular conversations I have had recently.

Here is why I am sad: these same ladies talk to me and I hear their hearts. I hear that they are missing their children. I hear that they are afraid that they are making the wrong choice. I hear that they want reassurance that their children won't miss them, that they won't regret working instead of mothering. I hear that they are uncomfortable with the idea of having less money, fewer things. I hear that they value their freedom and sense of success more than they value investing and giving without expectation of return. I hear them saying that they want to secure their own happiness more than they want to trust that what God designed for them is right and GOOD. I hear them justify their choices, but beneath that I hear them wondering. . .

We will have five children in just a few short months. I will be at home with them, full-time. It may not be for everyone, but there is no other place I would rather be. That doesn't mean I LOVE every day I am home with my children. It means that despite my fickle feelings, I KNOW that I am making the right choice to have my heart at home. Even though I am home full-time, I am also in the marketplace. (This could be an entire post in itself, but Kelly at Generation Cedar addresses it so well.)

The Bible makes it clear that I am to be my husband's helper. I help him by keeping our home. I can't very well do that if he is home more than I am. I help him by taking care of his children, instilling in them the values he holds, training them as he would train them if he were here all day. I am his helper because I can cook his meals and wash his clothes and manage small details so that he has more time to devote to the things that are important to him. My godly husband uses his time in ways that take care of our family, and so it is a joy to serve him. Yet, even if he did not use his time in ways I approve of (and he doesn't always), it doesn't change what the Lord requires of me.

When my mother was a stay at home mother, I remember eating home-cooked meals every day for lunch as a family. When she went back to full time work, the casseroles and lunches ended, my father made his own lunches, three of us were in school, and my younger brother was at the babysitter's. Suppers were often hurried, made from a box, and my mom seemed... well, more stressed (tired from a long day of work?). I wonder what more my father could have accomplished if his helper had continued to help him in those small ways. I would have loved to have a mother who was more available for relationship (because important conversations often happen in inconvenient times!)

My opinion is that the seemingly insignificant things often matter a great deal. The minutes I am with my children will add up into hours and days and years that I can never reclaim. So valuable is this time.