Today's Lesson/ Our Front Door

Through a series of events today I saw clearly that God is patiently instructing my heart.

I had dreams last night of someone trying to break into our home. Perhaps this was related to my concern over our front door; the storm door no longer latches and does not have a lock. I have been watching the front door compulsively to make sure Tate doesn't flee the premises. I prefer to have our "big" wooden door open during the morning to let in the gloriously warm and bright sunlight. . . but for the draft and fearing an escapee. In addition, despite repeated warnings, my children continue to run to the door and fling it open as soon as someone knocks or rings the doorbell (highly social, they are. We've never met a stranger.). Granted, usually it is our magnanimous neighbor bearing carbohydrates or the postman with a package. . . but the rule remains: do not open the front door without Mom or Dad (especially when it isn't locked OR latched!). With all this on my mind it is no wonder I dreamt that someone was reaching in through the glass to harm my little family.

I want my husband to fix our front door- or to okay the funds to replace it.

As I took my prayer walk this morning I admitted to the Lord that I want control of the situation and that, in fact, I would prefer control to trusting my husband and seeking HIS best interests. The door just reveals the deeper issue in my heart: I love myself more than I love my husband. I want what I want more than I care about what he wants. Yet, I desperately want a changed heart; I want to be a woman after God's heart; I want to live passionately and purposefully in line with God's purposes and plans. . . I want to love B and consider him more important than myself, to serve him humbly and love him well. . . and yet that seems so far removed from my reality.

"How does one REALLY change?" I wondered. Our small group studied a book about this last year. After all of that, I'm still asking myself this question. . .

And the Lord made it clear to me this morning that each small act of obedience leads to change. As I make the difficult, excellent choices (submissions) in the little moments. . . over time I will BECOME a woman of excellence and humility.

Of course, the Lord gave me opportunity to put this into practice today.

Our family left late for CC this morning (our homeschooling group). I was tense with the situation and feeling a bit miffed at my husband. . . and so many words were wanting to spill from my lips. I cannot say I restrained them all. . . but I was checked by the Holy Spirit and (with difficulty) kept my peace.

I was completely taken by surprise when four hours later, my husband arrived to pick us up (on time!). . . and he had an even bigger surprise for me. He had gone home and taken care of several outstanding household "things" (for lack of a better word) that have needed taken care of for some time. (One of them being our front door.)

What a good man. B was good because he was led by the Spirit. This was NOT his idea for his day. I am so thankful now that I chose obedience in that small moment in the car. Perhaps it allowed my husband to remain tenderhearted toward me. It absolutely allowed me to see that when I submit and choose to have a gentle spirit, the Lord sees and will supply all my needs. And now I feel well taken care of (I was all along, wasn't I?!). . . and I have the hope in me of real transformation over time. It IS possible. Let me choose self-discipline in many more small moments!

And now, the possibility of peaceful sleep draws me to bed. . .