I just finished reading some thoughts by Elisabeth Elliot. To tell you the truth, they made me uncomfortable. The gist was that we ought to pray about everything but still work tirelessly.
Ha. I admit I'm not feeling too bad right now (though I attribute some of my pep to our FOUR+ mile walk this afternoon and two JuicePlus+ Complete shakes!). But TIRED describes me far too often. Not just lack-of-sleep tired (I've got that covered!) but the kind of tired you feel when you lack sleep AND you realize that all you are responsible for is much more than you can even attempt. You realize that someone has to rock this crying child, and it is you. Someone must start the dishwasher, and it is you. Someone must fold the laundry that has been in the dryer for days... and it is you. Someone must make food and clean up food and buy food and unload food and then see food safely through the other end. . . and it is you. And on and on. . .
At times, I confess, I want to pity myself and cry. If I cry out, instead (i.e. PRAY), E.E. is saying that I should then be able to work on "tirelessly."
I see glimpses of that.
This is the second week of finals. Then Braden has a 2 week intensive class. Tate is teething (I think?) or has an ear issue. Livia has been having nightmares and today complained of a sore throat. Owen had a few days of coughing, now Rhyle is coughing at rest and bedtime. I'm up to my eyeballs in work to do- and I want the joyful willingness to do it that she (E.E.) talks about, and the "tireless" part of it, too. But I'll settle tonight for peace, for glimpses of God being enough and ALL. I wouldn't trade this hard place that I'm in. Yes, maybe if I had fewer children or older children or a husband not in law school, or adequate finances or any number of other different variables. . . things could be easier. Easier is not always better. Whether or not I should have things easier is not, therefore, a determination that I can make for myself.
I suppose my prayer tonight, then, is that God would redeem this season, even if I'm tired and fall to whining. After all, there is still much dross to be removed from my life so that His beauty can better be displayed. I'll keep on keeping on (that means I'm tireless, right?), and I'll turn in early tonight.
1 comment:
-- I FEEL overwhelmed. ~but nothing is impossible for God.
-- I FEEL tired. ~but I can rest in Him. He is my peace.
-- I FEEL ugly. ~man looks on the outward, but God looks at the heart.
-- I FEEL frustrated. ~love is patient, love is kind... if I don't have love, I'm nothing. And God is in control.
-- I FEEL unappreciated. ~but my significance is in Jesus. What I do should be done for Him not the praise or appreciation of my children.
-- I FEEL like I just want to sit here all day now that I've sat down! ~but I am to endure, be diligent in all that I do. Love my children, love my husband.
-- I FEEL hormonal. ~but let my mind be set on the things above not on the things that are on the earth, for I have died and my life is hidden in Christ with God (scripture paraphrase!).
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