I started to title this "identity questions," but stopped myself with the thought, "I know WHO I am. That isn't really the question." I'm simply wondering about HOW I do things.
Take, for example, sleeping. I think Tate should be sleeping through the night (he is 3 and 1/2 months old). The other children did by now. But I also scheduled the other children more rigidly and let them cry longer. Tate doesn't cry much at night because my husband needs to sleep, so nursing Tate and putting him back down seems like a logical solution. But is it long-term? Or do I train him to sleep better when Braden is finished with finals? Or do I need to nurse at night to keep my supply up? The other, "better" sleepers all quit nursing before I wanted them to, probably because of supply issues. Do I care that I'm not sleeping through the night? I'm no longer a strict scheduler, but I'm also not a co-sleeper (usually!). I'm not in either camp anymore, so I feel a bit lost in the murky middle. I've read lots of books, but in taking bits and pieces from many of them, I can't just turn to one and find the answers I want. Maybe this is where God wants me, though: without answers, dependant on Him, paying closer attention to this unique child, at the end of myself. Then again, when I ramble on, stream-of-consciousness like this, I wonder.
1 comment:
Calli,
i am in the same place you are. Jackson is sleeping well but not every night. We have really started to question why we have done things the way we have with our kids the past 7 years. Lots of our ideas have been formed by books that we have tried to follow to get perfect babies or children. I think that we have so many great resources that it distracts us from depending on the Lord for wisdom in parenting. You need to do what's best for your family and for the baby.
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