Maybe I'm Just Tired?

Oh, how good it was to read Life With Littles today! Kimm has four children that are nearly all the ages of mine. I have been wanting to post lately, but have not been able to run my thoughts together in my head into anything decent or coherent. Kimm expressed my thoughts (much better than I could!)when she talked about having a reset button and needing to stop her day and go to the Lord.

I want to post about how blessed I am to have four children and how wonderful life is. I want to be able to say that even though I have four children, things are just clicking right along. I want to shrug and say "it's no big deal" to have a new baby, a husband in law school, to homeschool and cook and clean and have a business and be a mom and wife and daughter and sister and friend. . .

Some days DO go wonderfully. Okay, that's an exaggeration. (See how I catch myself now?!) Some MOMENTS are wonderful. It doesn't last because my kids and I are just too sinful and selfish and desperately in need of our Saviour. I spend time trying to figure out if there are ways that I can make life work better, if there are strategies to coping with all of these things. . . But we are slow in the application. Maybe it's because I am tired. Maybe I can't get much school done because I am changing the 2 year old's sheets EVERY day when she wets them. Maybe I have to spend extra time scrubbing the kitchen counters because the contractor came back to caulk or grout.

My husband says, "MAYBE you are tired?" Then he tries to quote me from the dark hours of last night. It went something like this:

me: Tate's crying. I don't know why he's crying. I don't remember when I fed him. I fell asleep when I fed him last. I don't know what time that was. But he's crying. Maybe he is hungry again. He could be hungry because I don't remember when I last fed him. I think it's time to feed him again. He's still crying, so he must need to eat. But I don't think he should need to eat again yet. Maybe he needs to burp. Maybe he lost his pacifier. I think I should just get him. I can't remember when I fed him last because I fell asleep. I'm so tired. I guess I need to feed him again, because I can't remember when he nursed last, but I'm so tired. . . I guess I'll get him.