Undone

Numbers 17:12
And the people of Israel said to Moses, "Behold, we perish, we are undone, we are all undone."

This is what is playing through my mind tonight. Not terribly cheerful, I know. But sometimes a word seems so apropos and then the verse that it is in keeps repeating in my inner voice. I'm undone. I'm undone.

Being undone is just the culmination of my day, a series of unfortunate events (ha!) that are cumulatively exhausting, or really, really funny. Laughing is better than crying, I think, and as I think through these things I am (almost) chuckling.

It's the kitchen sink that I spent ten minutes cleaning this morning, scouring back to shiny steel while a baby cried, a toddler emptied a cupboard, and two boys took turns spinning each other on the kitchen floor. The sink now has dinner splashed all over it, water stains and bits of food from the faucet to the drain. *sigh*

It's the half bottle of Johnson and Johnson baby soap that Livia emptied into the bath while I diapered Tate. Before the bath I thought, "Wow. This bottle is almost half empty. We're sure going through the soap lately." Seriously. WE are going through it so fast that now it is gone. *sigh*

It's the toilet paper unrolled across the bathroom floor because I was just a wee bit too late to help Livia. *sigh*

It's the scratches in the newly refinished (and oh so beautifully shiny and perfect!) hardwood floor, thanks to the sit and spin. . . and again I was just ... THIS much too late. . . *sigh*

Well, at least they match the scratches in the kitchen table from Rhyle's fork. He was trying to get "this bit of red" off the table. . . *sigh*

And the toilet, which I cleaned today (it only happens twice a week, so I take great joy in the shiny white porcelain that makes the water look clear enough to drink). . . well, the minute it was done. . . it was undone.

This is my life. I'm not surprised. I'm not even very upset. Just a little, well, tired, I guess. Feeling undone by all that has come undone today. And this is just today! And truthfully, I try so hard to hold it all together, to keep everything neat, not to waste things, to be a good steward of all I have been entrusted. And that can be exhausting! (And I can't do it anyway.) God clearly continues to work on my sinful pride and self-sufficiency. And I think it's a good thing to be undone- so that He can remake me tomorrow, a bit more like Christ. That's what I'm praying for. Elisabeth Elliot said it even better: "Teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and with firm conviction that Your will governs all."