Make Me a Perfume

"Teach me to laud, adore, and magnify Thee,
     with the music of heaven,
And make me a perfume of praiseful gratitude to Thee."
(Valley of Vision)

I am savoring Ann Voskamp's book, trying to read each page slowly enough to allow it to sink into my cells, making an effort to slow down my hungry heart that wants to gulp down the words in full swallows. And I'm exhorted toward gratitude; it's all around me. How I long to be a perfume of praiseful gratitude unto the Lord!

Last night I returned from a JuicePlus+ bootcamp weekend in Georgia that was wonderful. One image that is seared in my mind is that of the iceburg: the 90% below the surface is what sinks ships. The 10% above is like our skills and performance. The 90% below is character. I'm needing to spend myself on character development this year. It's time to replace unhealthy thinking with pure praise. I want to grow a heart of gratitude this year.

And so, the list continues:
#411 Safe travels
#412 Fun, uplifting conversation; learning a new friend
#413 Food! Food I didn't choose, purchase, cut up, or prepare. Yummy food.
#414 Unbidden tears that come when embraced with acceptance
#415 "Where did you come from?" (T, 3 this morning)
#416 R: "you should have told me what we were having for dinner!" (rice!)
#417 Slow, lingering kisses
#418 Spirit signs in words just right, pointing and confirming the Way
#419 A new month's budget; it's like hope springs up again and needs are met!
#420 Wearing a t-shirt in the Georgia sun, enjoying a few minutes outdoors on our way home
#421 Surprise! Finding several friends at the library this morning
#422 Black ink rolling from my "good" pink pen
#423 Baby laughs (big boys snapping his pant waist)
#424 Open mouth baby kisses (with teeth!)
#425 Piano songs drifting upstairs (when I'm with M and they are supposed to be cleaning up)
#426 Cold hands, in from playing

Small Miracles

 "One never knows the form in which a miracle will appear;  therefore, we would do well to regard all that is around us with a degree of awe and wonder." (Small Miracles II)

#402 Chill air seeping in cracks
#403 Baby teeth
#404 Smiles on faces of men and boys playing
#405 Tears brimming but not spilling
#406 Sap running
#407 Book in the mailbox
#407 Confidence of leaving M with a baby loving friend
#408 Gift of soup and bread at my door
#409 How very good carrots taste when you are thinking about the power of produce
#410 "Stove" oatmeal, made and served by the 9 (O) and 5 (L) year olds

Sunday Thinking

There doesn't seem to be much to say. I don't feel as eloquent these days as I used to think of myself. Perhaps a list will suffice?

1) The Lawyer left for Richmond again. He will be staying with different friends for the next month; hopefully we will have something else by them. He drove the (borrowed) Pathfinder, but we've been strongly urged to find other transportation.
2) We had an open house again today with a few people coming through our home. Three other showings this month but no offers. Our six month contract with the realtor is nearly up and we need to decide what to do.
3) M (8 months) is doing MUCH better. We added sweet echinacea and colloidal silver and waiora to our regime and it finally seems that his pain is subsiding.
4) I am supposed to go to Georgia at the end of the week but the friend who was going to help me with the children is not able to. I have a one way plane ticket, but need to ride back with another friend who is joining me. She was going to drive our van down with a second friend, but alas- the second friend has backed out and our van needs new tires and may not be ready by Friday.

The quiet feels so big tonight and I am so small and weak and helpless. I am like an Israelite on the banks of the sea, with Pharaoh's army bearing down. Where to go? There is no where to go. I can only look to God for some miracle and praise Him as I wait.

Exodus 14:13 And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” 15 The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward."

Wanting to Really Live

Ann's book is released; it is already on Amazon's top 10 list. It's on my top 10 list of books I am hungry to read this year. Can't wait to order my own copy (in a new month with a new flex allowance!).

Never knowing if I'm really moving forward or not. . . but hoping and praying and trying to press into Christ to learn how to really live this year.

Doesn't this make you. . . want to LIVE?!

Fullness

"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another." (John 1:16)

I confess that I feel empty. In this lonely, orphaned feeling I am pressing hard into the truths of Scripture- God-breathed words that still vibrate with LIFE. When my feelings are contrary to truth, I will choose to believe truth. I am loved. I am blessed with gift after gift after gift. . . From His overflowing grace these blessings flow into my life.

#401- The Lawyer is home this week! Working from Lynchburg all week; what a GIFT.

Waiting to Sell

Had this great thought today:

The average house in Lynchburg is taking a year to sell.

Our house has been on the market for 6 months.

That means were probably halfway there!

This was very encouraging to me and I smile each time I think of it. There is something so hopeful about having an end in sight (even if it is imagination).

Gratitude

Today I'm reading Ann's blog about breathing. I'm remembering a phone conversation with a friend last night when we agreed that we try hard and make resolutions and what we really want is more of God and not of our own efforts. I'm feeling the loneliness of my bed tonight. In it all, I want to breathe; to live; to savor these fleeting moments and lay down something lasting with these children.

#391 Unexpectedly, a neighbor friend called today. Could she come over for 30 minutes this afternoon so I could take a walk by myself?

#392 A Christmas card came with $100 gift that completely surprised us. We needed it to make it until payday.

#393 Heat waving out of the radiators.

#394 L (5)- delight over time to herself with friends. The spark of joy as she observed her first dance class.

#395 Three boys "pants fighting" together. Even T (3) would swing the pants by the waist and try to knock his big brothers down. This is what boys do.

#396 Paycheck. Wonderful, dependable company I work for with wonderful leaders in integrity and character. I'm grateful for NSA.

#397 Two hours of sleep. It's the most I've had in a few weeks, but it's a lot better than 15 minutes that I've had a few nights.

#398 Clear schedule; staying in doesn't feel restrictive.

#399 Freshly ground wheat.

#400 Sharing life with my sister, seeing her as a mother, finding new connections.

Things are Interesting

The home showing was to an investor who decided not to invest in our property. Our house remains on the market, though we may take it off if we need to refinance. Yes, we've thought about renting (the question everyone seems to ask), but selling the house would be best.

The Lawyer had to give back the loaned Pathfinder he's been borrowing. He will drive our van to Richmond for the week. The kids and I will be at home, hopefully not needing to go anywhere. We need some solutions to our problems: where should The Lawyer live? What should he drive? How do we pay for this?

M is still fussy and his ears seem still to be bothering him. I've tried garlic on the feet and another special blend of oils for his ears. If the infection remains, we will need to see an ENT (but not this week!). He is still sleeping fitfully, and so my nights have been challenging. (Well, days are challenging, too because it's hard to get anything done while holding a busy, fussy baby. And I don't mean that I'm trying to accomplish a lot- just breakfast, lunch, and dinner is enough!)

So, as my husband leaves again, I'm up against my own loneliness and sense that the week stretches out long and dark before me. Oh, Lord, light up this darkness with Your Light!

We sang in church today that "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, Our Strong Deliverer." Those were words for my soul.

Just an Explanation

It's nearly 10 p.m. The biggest boys are only now quiet; we went to the library today and they were practically giddy, greedily reading new library books in bed. M has been asleep for over 2 hours now- the longest stretch of sleep we have had since Monday. T isn't coughing and L is snugly asleep in her room.

Several weeks ago I took M in and found out he had an ear infection. We did a round of amoxicillian. After that, things seemed fine for awhile. Then, not fine again; it didn't appear that the infection was completely gone, so the doctor recommended five days of a sulfa drug. We finished that last week. Took him back in on Wednesday this week after a painful Tuesday night (M cried every 15 minutes or so). Ears look worse. Now we are on the third antibiotic. My dresser holds ferrum phos, lavender, Thieves, ear drops, cotton, and RC oil- my natural arsenal to combat the pain, infection, and cold he has. Still.

I'm not used to being at the doctor so often. Nor visiting the pharmacy. Nor being awake so much.

Plus, we had a house showing today. This is our first since... I don't know. October? And I found out about it when we were at the library; we had two hours to prepare (and eat lunch and nap kids and all that). Even if nothing comes of the showing, my confidence is in the Lord's goodness toward our family.

I'd like to post some things I've learned about elimination communication. I'd like to post about saving money at the grocery store by choosing healthy foods. I have some fun pictures to post, too. Alas, I'm still just too weary! (But here are a couple anyway from our wonderful visit with my parents, sister, and niece.)

Isla (5 months) and Miles (8 months)

He even likes her feet. This kid is generally happy and easy.

Grandpa, Tate, and Livia watch the bear at Maymont. T's face is a mess from the candy canes the policement gave him (extra for sharing!).

Grandma and Isla at Maymont

Livia loved to carry Isla around.

Grandpa, Rhyle, and I in the Japanese Garden at Maymont in Richmond. So beautiful- even in winter.

Dwelling Place

It is a new year!  And if I had time to catch my breath, I would have time to assess 2010 and set goals for 2011. Time to think is hard to come by around here. Still, there is much to ponder as one year passes away and the new year stretches (Lord willing) out in front of us.

I'm inspired by Ann Voskamp, who names the years. And yet, I don't have a clear sense of where the Lord is calling our family this year. There is much uncertainty. And this is the verse that keeps coming to mind today:

Psalm 90:1
Moses prayed, "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations."

When I don't know where we will be living, whether in Lynchburg or Richmond, whether together as a family or separated, when I don't have any certainty of health or happiness. . . The LORD is my dwelling.

Oh, that I would learn this year to dwell daily in His presence, that He would be my home and would become home for our children. Oh, that I would be filled with JOY!

I am praying for a year in which I grow in joy and gratitude, in which I come back to my first love and dwell with the Lord. I am praying for depth in our marriage and perseverance in my personal struggles with sin. Believing that 2011 can be a memorable year for our family, I will call this the Year of Dwelling.