Words for Today's Things

On the bulletin board today, words for my heart from "Wise Words for Moms" (Ginger Plowman), paraphrased from 2 Corinthians 12:9, Ephesians 6:18, and James 5:13:


"Pray for willingness and strength to persevere when things are hard. Allow God's strength to be made perfect in your weakness."

It was supposed to be for R, who didn't quite have a joyful attitude about school nor siblings today. Not sure that it had the desired effect in his heart, but it struck me firmly. We bowed together, each of us asking for willingness and strength. During a day, another day I felt I rushed through while trying to get all the "work" done... this was one of the sweet moments.

Recession Widow; Ordered Steps

"It is for your sake that all things are ordered, so that, as the abounding grace of God is shared by more and more, the greater may be the chorus of thanksgiving that ascends to the glory of God" (2 Corinthians 4:15, NEB)

Are my steps really ordered? Can I really trust that it is God himself who has me in this space and time and not just "the market" or my husband or the circumstances? I'm choosing to believe and choosing to give thanks today. I don't think I see like Ann does, but I want to. I want to be caught up in seeking joy, too.

Sunday was harder than past Sundays. I've come to feel that sinking weight in my stomach when I wake on Sunday morning, knowing that it is the day B will leave again. We fall into bed on Fridays, exhausted and yet elated at our family reunion. We work on Saturdays. Sunday is for resting. . . but my heart was roving yesterday, looking for answers.

My cousin sent me an article from an Ann Arbor paper about the economic recession and families who are splitting up so that the father can work in a different city or state to make ends meet. They called the women that stayed with the house and the children "recession widows." I guess I'm one, too.

We had an open house yesterday that no one came to. The house has been on the market for 2 months. Yesterday was also the end of the fourth week without B and the start of the fifth. It was sobering to think we've already done this parting five times. . . and now there will be at least five more (because we can count on staying in this house through October). *sigh* That wasn't such a fun thought.

And yet. Could this be for a greater chorus to rise to heaven? Can't this be for our good? Yes, I'm believing that it can. My humbled heart is so touched by all the many people who are praying for us. My humbled heart is grateful for the help we are receiving. My lonely heart is hungry enough to turn the pages of my Bible in bed, looking. Oh, let this be for our good!

And yet, we are grateful:
241) Rainy day box
242) Batteries that work
243) Sound of rain falling outside
244) Taste of warm bread
245) Unexpected gift. . ooh, new soft sheets
246) Glittery baby eyes
247) Boys playing the piano together
248) Night time stories in bed
249) Clouds brushing the sky under the moon
250) Gentle touch of my husband

M- Nearly 5 Months

Saturday Night

And I am tired from the week and realizing that the baby will need me again soon. Such a joy to be his mama. . . but he was ravenous the past day or two. Last night we were up several times, which we haven't done for a month.

Tomorrow we have an open house. Much of today's activity was in preparation. Then again, we also did the basics that needed to be done that weren't preparation for prospective buyers.

I so much want to rest and worship and be quiet tomorrow.

Notes from Dr. Brown

Went to a wonderful nutrition lecture on Friday night and then another on Saturday morning. Dr. Matt Brown presented powerful information in a fun and persuasive manner. Here are some of my notes from Saturday (Friday night I was pacing with M and didn't take notes). This lecture was "A Message of Hope," mainly about cancer and other diseases.

"It's better to pay your grocer than your doctor."

Nutrition can prevent cancer, and significantly impacts the treatment course and the outcome.

Cancer is highly variable, runs many courses, and is often not fatal. Therefore, it is not a death sentence! (The average life expectancy for a man with prostate cancer that receives NO treatment is 10 years.)

Tissue is the Issue!

"Perhaps 10% of all cancers occur in people who have inherited genes that make them vulnerable." (Robert Weinberg) Weinberg also says (paraphrasing): If we grew thinner, exercised more, avoided diets rich in red meat, ate diets rich in fruits and vegetables. . . we would PREVENT up to 70% of all cancers.

Weinberg's comments fit in with the explanation of epigenetics. You can switch good genes on and bad genes off. This is supported by the WINS study, among others.

A great book to read on an aggressive juicing therapy is A Cancer Therapy by Max Gerson. A really good documentary on the Gerson treatment is called "Dying to have Known."

Other doctors are finding great success with treating cancer with a plant-based diet and exercise. Some of these include Mark Scholz, MD and Dean Ornish.

If an oncologist says "no antioxidents," they really mean that they don't want their patient to consume antioxidents in high dose, isolated form. There is NO controversy about eating color and variety. (JuicePlus+ is color and variety because it is the actual food and not isolated, fragmented vitamins.) Dr. Brown said, "You better eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and protect every healthy cell in your body from that chemo!"

Some powerful anti-cancer foods include: green tea, turmeric, and cumin.

When you think of foods, go from GRAIN to GREEN.

And, as my brain was swimming, Dr. Brown added, "This is more complicated than you thought!"

He is right, and yet I find it so exciting that the answers are often so simple. As more and more people around me have cancer, I'm reassured that God has also given us plants that heal (not always, not for everyone, but generally. . . it is amazing.)

ReThinking the Prairie Post

It is too late at night and too long since my "Prairie" post to make an acceptable disclaimer. However, I do want to add that after talking with my judicious (and more rational) husband, I shouldn't have been so hasty to post my strong feelings. I've been governed by feelings too often lately, especially without B around to temper me and ground my idealism with a heavy dash of reality.

He thought Little House was fine. And, he thought it was valuable for the kids in that some characters are negative prototypes. Seeing folly ought spur us to desire wisdom. I concur. So, my previous post was incomplete and should have crossed my editor's desk before appearing on the blog. It would have been much better then.

STILL, I want to add that we DID watch a movie that I thought was excellent for the boys. Last week I brought home MasterPiece Theater's Kidnapped. Wonderful! The boys loved it; B and I were interested and engaged. The plot was thicker and the virtue strong. There was more blood (and I'm not sure what I think about that, even carefully portrayed). . . so maybe my recommendation is Little House for older girls and Kidnapped for my boys.

Skinny Mini

T's pants and shorts are invariably too big around the middle. This isn't ideal, because we don't like our children's underwear to be visible (we aren't cool, I guess). We love adjustable waistbands around here. True, my boys have smaller waists than average. I know, because most of the adjustable waistband is hanging out of their pants. Red elastic hanging out at the hips is not the best look.

The boys also love belts; which is obviously a good thing. They get a lot of use here. Only trouble is, T still needs a bit of help getting his belt all the way around and through the back belt loops. And he has a habit of taking off everything when he uses the restroom- meaning we have to redo the belt each time. Sigh.

Once again this morning, T's hand-me-down shorts were too large. I could see his unders. Before he scampered back upstairs to get his belt, I exclaimed, "T, you're just a Skinny-Mini!"

"Yeah!" he retorted exuberantly (as he always is in the morning.) "I'm a skinny-mini with skin all over me!"

I scooped him onto my lap, chuckling and enjoying his three-ness. Then, it got even better. He gave me a big hug and said, "And you have skin all over, so you're a skinny-mini, too, Mom!"

I love being a skinny-mini with my boys.

A Little Puddle

These words keep rising to the surface of my murky brain. People keep asking me how I'm doing. "Great!" is my response. (Because, you know, you are what you think you are. And I want to be extraordinarily great-feeling.) And I am doing great. I'm blessed beyond belief!

Yet, I'm also feeling like a little puddle.
A little, wet, flat, pool.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still blogging. I can't keep my thoughts together to express what is on my heart. I'm not articulate. I'm not wise. Even my best thoughts seem murky now.  I'm embarrassed to be known as I am. And yet. There is always that yet.

231) Prayers from friends.
232) Prayers from acquaintences.
233) Dinner at a friend's.
234) Friends' offering childcare.
235) Surprise package from far away friends.
236) Children combing my hair while I read books.
237) "Be Thou My Vision"
238) Homemade bread that turned out!
239) Zinnias
240) Long-distance phone calls with long-distance friends

Heritage Harvest Festival

Photos from our day at Monticello for the Heritage Harvest Festival. A wonderful, gloriously fallish day near Charlottesville. I was totally in my element, with "my kind of people," learning about heirloom tomatoes and how to grow figs and planting urban gardens. We tried numerous varieties of tomatoes, watermelon, and apples, walked through Jefferson's vineyard and gardens, ate delicious cheeses and sausages, observed Primrose (the cow), and several goats, a woman weaving, a man whittling, and so much more. The kids made music, ran in Monticello's front yard, found apples in the orchard, and came home with red worms. A great family day!

This is labeled as a Guinea Bean

T looking for something in the peppers

An amazing view of VA (and a lot of Curtises)

Making music with the banjo and violin

Flu Shots or Nots

"Which would you rather risk experience: a week in bed, drinking hot soup, or a lifetime falling asleep at the most inopportune times; in class, during dinner, at work, in your car…

Narcolepsy, a mysterious, incurable neurological condition that causes you to suddenly fall into a deep sleep, is not something you hear about very often.

Yet Sweden and Finland recently sounded the alarm because young patients suddenly developed this abnormal sleeping disorder after being vaccinated with the H1N1 swine flu vaccine.

France, Germany and Norway have also started counting cases, and the EU has launched an investigation." (from Dr. Mercola's website)


It surprises me that Walgreens and other locations advertise flu shots as if they are a completely common, acceptable part of American culture. I guess I'm just not totally on board with that thinking. To me, it is still a shot, a vaccine, an introduction of another substance (or virus) into one's body. And do we have anything more precious than these bodies we were given to use for a time? (Temporally speaking, I don't think so.) I'm not staunchly opposed to vaccines (see other blog posts), and yet they do give me pause.

Dr. Mercola's thoughts on vaccines are interesting to me. I have a friend with narcolepsy. It is a crazy thing and has definitely impacted her life in many ways. (She shouldn't drive with her four kids in the car because she could fall asleep and crash- which has happened. Her children have to know what to do if she suddenly falls down.) If narcolepsy is a "side-effect" of a vaccine, it stops me in my tracks. Really, is the flu all that bad? (It can be!)

Instead of rushing for the vaccine, we'll emphasize strengthening our immune systems. Eating wholesome, nutritious foods and bolstering our health with the whole food supplement JuicePlus+ are key in our home. I'll have my oils on hand, too, and also some natural remedies and homeopathic remedies if/when we do get ill.

My Weakness, His Goodness

The end of the second week is nearing (of B in Richmond at his new job), and our house has been on the market 41 days with nary any interest, and the grim reality has set in: I'm not very good at this (parenting, wifing, home management, home schooling, running a business). Surely, I ought to be finding some sort of rhythm or routine or groove here, learning how to manage things with B gone. It's a steep learning curve and my weaknesses show.

I'm not organized enough.
    But I think it could be worse. We do have groceries and clean clothes and parts of a plan.

I'm not disciplined enough.
     But there is grace for my weak flesh and disappointing myself isn't the same as disappointing Him.

I'm not focused enough.
     But I'm focused enough to snuggle my children and call my husband and fall on my knees.

I'm weary.
    But I'm weary partly because I have a four month old- and he's so wonderful. And partly because the afternoon rests have been filled with schooling and other things, which are also good and necessary.

I haven't remembered to get the mail all week.
     But I haven't had to deal with it, either.

I've barely exercised.
     But the night the boys and I jumped on the trampoline was so full of laughter and joy; it was good for  all of our hearts!

I'm not sleeping enough.
    But it is partly because I miss my husband, which is a good tug on my heart.

I've reached the cry threshhold- hours ago.
    But my weakness is somehow my strength, and my tears aren't tears of sorrow.

I am working as fast as I feel I can, and still I am behind and unable to accomplish all I hoped.
     But I cling to the truth that God has apportioned my work and somehow He will work through me all that needs to be done and the rest must not matter as much as I feel that it does. I'm SO thankful that my worth and value are not tied to what I can accomplish! Oh, I'm worse than I knew, but Jesus is so much better than I know!

Today

These are words for me today:
From Psalm 4:1: "Thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress."

From The Valley of Vision: "Help us. . . imperfect, but still pressing forward, not complaining of labor, but valuing rest, not murmuring under trials, but thankful for our state."

From my husband: "Rejoice! in what the Lord has put before you today.  Remember that He has not put everything in your hands and under your control.  Remember that, we trust, He chose your kids before the foundation of the world.  Remember that He works all things together for the GOOD of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."

So, I am choosing JOY today, for I know that the Lord is growing me during this time (with the house languishing on the market and my husband working in a different city). The days feel long in many ways, and yet there is so much left undone at the end of each one. I'm still learning to lean into Christ and not to trust in my own paltry capabilities. For so much I seem to lack today. . . and yet, all is mine in Him.

Not So . . . Prairie

Well, I suppose my mind was playing tricks on me. I remembered the Little House on the Prairie tv series with such fondness. Michael Landon was so. . . good- wholesome even. The entire family exuded goodness and fresh prairie-ness. So many images were burned into my memory: the opening strains of music, the wagon swaying across the prairie, the girls running down the hill. The familiarity and predictability of it was comforting to me. (Don't you just know that Laura will always come out alright and that you can count on Nellie Oleson to be rotten?) In later years of my youth, this same predictability brought boredom and I no longer sat through hour-long episodes with commercials every ten minutes or so. But still. . . there were years of my life, I think, that I would rush to the tv set in great anticipation of this, my tv show. (I really only remember this and MacGuyver as weekly tv highlights.)

So this is becoming a strange post on tv viewing. We don't have a tv. We haven't had a tv for more than 4 years and before that, we only had our small tv/vcr combo for watching movies (or HGTV when we had free cable and I was home nursing my first babies.) There are reasons why we don't have a tv, and B and I both feel good about this decision for our family. . . but that could be another post another time.

Yet, we do occasionally watch movies. The kids count on Friday as either movie or game night. In search of something appropriate (and not too long!) for the family, I chose Little House on the Prairie at the library this week. We put it in on Friday and I was shocked!

Some things were exactly as I remembered, and I relished sharing the time-worn gems with my children. Loved their delight over Mr. Edward's singing and their curiosity over the customs and times. I was distressed, however, by the terrible representation of marriage by both the Olesons and even Pa and Ma Ingalls. Mrs. Oleson is appallingly disrespectful to her husband (didn't we always know he was kind and good? That's why I always liked him.) and he is a weak representation of father and husband. It sits poorly to see a man railroaded by his wife and walked over by his children. And yet! This is what I spent hours upon hours watching!

The behavior of the children shocked both me and our children, who sat with mouths agape at one of Nellie's temper tantrums. We were surprised at Laura and Mary's poor choices, too (including lying and cheating). This was one episode.

This wasn't what I had in mind. What appeared good in my memory is now, with age and a more sensitive conscience, less than excellent and praiseworthy. While it led to good conversation with the bigger boys, it was simply a poor example to the younger children. I don't intend to bring any more Little House home from the library (at least for a good long while!).

Sunday Wandering

The beautiful Blue Ridge from the Skyline drive.

Integrity, Service, Life

The Token of Integrity (Elisabeth Elliot) :
"With a servant, a warrior, a child, a subject," writes Andrew Murray in The New Life, "obedience is indispensable, the first token of integrity."

"God is my Master, my Captain, my Father, my King. I am servant, warrior, child, subject. What have I to do in any of these cases but obey?

Integrity means wholeness, unbroken condition, the quality of being unimpaired and sound. An integer is something which is complete in itself, an entity. No one can serve two masters. Divided loyalty will mean impaired obedience. "A soldier on active service will not let himself be involved in civilian affairs; he must be wholly at his commanding officer's disposal" (2 Tm 2:4 NEB).

O Christ, be Master and Captain of my life. Give me a whole heart united to do your bidding and to do nothing else. Let me hear your voice and no other. Make my life an integer for your glory. Amen."


Integrity and service are on my mind.
B left this week on Tuesday night for Richmond, to start his new job Wednesday morning. He will drive home tomorrow night after work, arriving after the children are in bed. We will do the same thing next week, except it will be four days without Daddy instead of three. The next week will be five days. At this point, I'm preparing myself for many weeks of this (at least seven or eight). We haven't had any serious interest in our house and until it sells, we are not able to move to Richmond to join B.

I've not posted prior to this because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say about this (and I simply have not had any time available to put thoughts into words). There isn't much to say. This is just life now.

What I see in me is that I kick against the goads. I'm not quick to obey nor to embrace difficult circumstances. I don't serve others willingly and joyfully. I'm bothered when life isn't going the way I thought I wanted it to go. (Five children?! Live in Richmond?! Barely scraping by?! Tired?!) All of this is really just a lack of faith and a disbelief that God is good and that He is for me. This, in fact, has been the verse I'm dwelling on: Psalm 56:9 "This I know, that God is for me."

This separation for our family is not what we desire, and yet I am loathe to complain when I know so many families are in much more difficult situations. I have friends whose husbands are stationed for 6 months or a year away. Who am I to complain that my darling husband has a great job (which happens to be in another city!) and is willingly commuting more than two hours each way on the weekends to spend time with us?! I'm so proud of his hard work, of his commitment to get our family out of debt, of his desire to make a positive impact on our community and government. He is doing a good thing for us, and clearly the Lord has opened the doors for B to fill this position.

A dear, godly friend wrote to me this week. Her husband is serving in the Army and is apart from them (my friend and their four children) for a longer season than ever before. Part of what she said to me was, "What an adventure in grace! Enjoy the ride--it's just for fun, for a season, and God's got it under
control.  I was nervous about this separation until it came, but now I keep laughing to myself (and God) about how crazy this whole thing is and how He's doing it for my GOOD.  He's doing it for yours, too, Sister!"

Isn't that wonderful?! She is laughing. It reminds me of Proverbs 31:25
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." 

It is kind of crazy. It feels crazy on these long days when I wake tired and see the day stretching before me: chores and schooling the kids and running the errands and purposefully sharing wellness. I exercise in front of the house with the kids watching out the windows or I jump on the trampoline. I take all of them to Sam's Club before 9 a.m. L sleeps with me and I read lots and lots of books to everyone . . . .things I wouldn't normally do, but am doing in this crazy season.


IF I am the Lord's servant, then I am also a servant to my husband and my children. If I am the Lord's, He will take care of me. He will sell the house in His timing, and it will be perfect. He will keep me in peace and clothe me in strength. These are good words for me today. May I be lost in the Lord's purposes and all about His bidding. (And I'll still ask Him to sell our house and prepare the way for us in Richmond!)