40 Weeks and Counting

Yikes! I guess the baby widget counts UP once you pass your due date!

Our neighbors are anxiously watching our house (some even know to look for the midwife's volvo!). I think people are taking note whether or not I'm out walking in the morning.

Way back at the beginning of the pregnancy I was telling people we were due in May (mostly so they wouldn't be anxious if there wasn't a baby early in April). I really did think that this baby would come at the 39 week mark or so. Shows what I know! And so here we are, with me very pregnant, waiting on the Lord and waiting to meet our baby... any day.

On Homebirth

After delivering three babies at home, I'm still a bit surprised that other people are surprised that we would choose to have this baby at home (Lord willing). O was born in the hospital, R was at home with a physician (amazingly rare!), and L and T were assisted in birth by midwives. We feel completely comfortable and confident in this decision, while I can easily say that it isn't for everyone.

This article is a quick summary of homebirth safety (which seems to be people's primary concern).

We also choose to birth at home for these reasons:
-Comfort. I love being in my bed with my familiar surroundings. When I enter a hospital, I tense up; it's not normal to me or comforting.

-Control. I know I'm not in control during the birth (such an out-of- control feeling labor is!), but I do like that I can make logical decisions, such as to eat if I am hungry or drink if I'm thirsty. I like that I can control the level of chaos or noise or lighting. I can sit in our bathtub if I choose. Those decisions are up to B and I.

-Family. After each birth I find myself eager for the other kids to be present. They don't need to witness the physical act of giving birth, but I don't want them to miss any of the precious moments afterward when we are all so eager to meet the newest member of our family. I don't want to delay that sweetness! And I genuinely miss my kids when we aren't together.

-Prayer and Peacefulness and Privacy. I love that I can be covered in prayer by people I know (you develop such a relationship with a midwife!). I also love the peacefulness that settles over everything when the baby is nestled in my arms and all is quiet. Even though I have an appreciation for nurses, I'm so glad I don't have to meet anyone for the first time when I am going through the physical stress of labor. I'm also glad that I don't have nurses coming in and out, checking, etc. when all is CALM and good. It is so right to me to sleep with that sleeping newborn, to lay in bed for hours learning that baby, to listen to my other children playing outside, to have healthy food to eat from our kitchen. It's so good!

Disappointments and Rainbows

Monday again! My pregnancy calendar turns over to 40 weeks today. I looked forward to taking R to have his cast removed. . . but things didn't turn out that way. Instead, I was frustrated that we didn't see the dr. and that the assistant recommended 2 more weeks in the cast "just to be on the safe side." Of course, I want his leg to heal properly, but this momma is also tired of pushing extra children around on errands and walks. I'm ready to have my 6 year old helper back (so is his older brother who has been shouldering extra chores for 3 weeks). I seriously think there is more danger in keeping him on crutches than in removing the cast. Not to mention, I'm hoping to have a baby soon and I'd like to know that R doesn't need special care when I have a new one needing it. Oh, my flesh groans! I want things easy!

As I started my walk this morning, I also realized that I was disappointed and needing to regroup from the weekend. I so thought it would be an ideal time to birth. Ha! Instead, it was a wonderful time to continue preparing, to spend time as a family, to organize and talk and play together. Yet, this morning I recognized that I felt I needed to get ready, mentally, all over again, surrendering the fear and resting.

And I turned the corner, and I saw the biggest, most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen in VA, spanning the rain-blue sky. It's Monday. I'll count blessings and gratitudes and let go of the disappointments and fears.

116. Early morning rainbow
117. Getting wet on my walk
118. Snowball bush in bloom
119. X-rays
120. Caring, competent midwives
121. Friends, so very excited for me, that it buoys me, too
122. Baked oatmeal
123. Clean, tiny baby clothes, waiting in the basket
124. Surprise gifts from friends and my sister
125. Unexpected phone call from my dad, just checking in
126. Being able to drop in on another family, welcomed
127. Kale and lettuce, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers going in the garden
128. Soft whir of the lawnmower, powered by my young man
129. Joyous birthday girl, still excited to tell everyone she turned 5 this week!
120. Vivid contrast of blue and green outside the window
121. Boy in a cast, on a bike
122. Gift of wheat
123. Quiet working beside my husband, doing the things that need to be done- together
124. File cabinet purged!
125. Pouring over books of baby wisdom, reminding myself, relearning, hoping, expecting
126. Azaleas catching my eye

"The Only Thing. . . "

R gets his cast off tomorrow. The three weeks have gone quickly, for the most part. He's had three baths, figured out how to ride a bike with one leg, performed tricks with the crutches, listened to hours upon hours of books on tape. . . and generally got on quite well. As we were leaving church today he asked me, "You know the only thing I don't like about having a cast?"

I knew, because he has told me before. Other people have been concerned for him, but I've tried to assure everyone that he hasn't minded much. This he confirmed again.

R: "The only thing I don't like is everyone asking me about it."

I feel the SAME way. There was a fleeting thought in the middle of the night that I didn't want to go to church because people would see that I was still pregnant. And they would ask me about it. And I would have to repeat the same information. It really isn't such a bad thing... but it is maybe the only thing I don't like about being 40 weeks pregnant (tomorrow!).

39 Weeks

We aren't surprised that I'm still pregnant, are we?

Another round of grocery shopping, cleaning, nail clippings, library exchanges, and errands are in the works. I still can't picture life with precious baby 5. I'll check the birth supplies once more today, but I know that there are diapers (and wipes!) and clean clothes and blankets. After four children, the necessities seem few. Hopefully, we'll be able to borrow a bouncy seat or swing or something (relatively safer than laying a baby on the floor around here!); I hadn't thought about those things until this week. I'm sure my brain is failing me; so I'm praying for flexibility and peace and wisdom from the Lord.

What a wonderful thing to carry a baby to term! It is SUCH a blessing to have a healthy pregnancy. I still credit JuicePlus+ with making a positive impact on the health of the pregnancy and baby. And I'm still walking. And I have excellent midwifery care.

40 weeks is right around the corner. I'm at my max pregnancy weight, when I normally deliver. I'm at the normal (for me) gestational age for delivery. We're within a week of the full moon; April 28 (all of the other children were born within 6 days of a full moon). The baby is at 0 station and I'm dilated, so I know that the contractions I've had off and on are effective. By no means am I anxious, but I anticipate, and my heart within me is quieted, like a bird in the hand of the Lord.

Ginger Stir Fry with Sesame Noodles

Loved this! Loved how easy and fast it was (most time spent chopping veggies). It was beautiful AND everyone ate it (more than I expected). This recipe is an adaption of a Rachael Ray stir fry. It was also good cold the next day (I added salad and diced mangos to mine!). I could see this as a potential picnic meal. One thing I particularly loved is that the veggies were practically raw and super healthy.

Ginger Stir-Fry with Sesame Noodles

1 pound spaghetti or angel hair (or rice noodles)
3 Tbl. olive oil
1 small head Napa cabbage, shredded (we used about 6+ cups)
4-5 carrots, julienned or shredded (about 3 cups)
1 bunch of scallions, chopped into 2 inch pieces (or 1/2 red onion, diced)
Optional: shitake mushrooms, stemmed and sliced
eggplant, diced
2 cups diced, cooked chicken
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 2 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and grated (or 3/4 tsp. dried)
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup Braggs or tamari (dark soy sauce)
2 Tbl. toasted sesame seeds

1. Bring a large pot of water to boil, add salt and spaghetti. Cook until al dente. Drain.
2. Heat the oil in a skillet. Add veggies, garlic and ginger; stir fry 2-4 minutes, until crisp-tender. Season with salt and pepper. Add chicken.
3. In a large serving bowl, combine spaghetti, veggies, Braggs, and toasted sesame seeds. Serve with tongs.

Happy Birthday, L!

Happy 5th Birthday, L!
My, my. She was SO excited today (and yesterday). This birthday has been talked about since last year and anticipated to the fullest extent. I can't remember a day that she has smiled so much and seemed to bask in all the goodness of the day.

Faith to Receive

After strong contractions last night and thinking how near we are to welcoming our baby, I find myself with a headache this morning, fearful and feeling out of control. Of course, I know I'm not in control, but my flesh is so devious in the morning. I'm pasting this entire devotion because it went right to my anxious heart and maybe it will encourage you, too.

Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: A Lamp For My Feet
Scripture Reference:

Faith Is Holding Out Your Hand

Sometimes when I was a child my mother or father would say, "Shut your eyes and hold out your hand." That was the promise of some lovely surprise. I trusted them, so I shut my eyes instantly and held out my hand. Whatever they were going to give me I was ready to take. So it should be in our trust of our heavenly Father. Faith is the willingness to receive whatever He wants to give, or the willingness not to have what He does not want to give.

I am content to be and have what in Thy heart
I am meant to be and have.
--(George MacDonald, Diary of an Old Soul)

From the greatest of all gifts, salvation in Christ, to the material blessings of any ordinary day (hot water, a pair of legs that work, a cup of coffee, a job to do and strength to do it), every good gift comes down from the Father of Lights. Every one of them is to be received gladly and, like gifts people give us, with thanks.

Sometimes we want things we were not meant to have. Because He loves us, the Father says no. Faith trusts that no. Faith is willing not to have what God is not willing to give. Furthermore, faith does not insist upon an explanation. It is enough to know his promise to give what is good--He knows so much more about that than we do.

Brothers

Folate Vs. Folic Acid

Did you know there is a difference? Folate is in food; folic acid has been added to our food. Information coming out now is pointing to the dangers of consuming folic acid. I feel especially passionate about passing on this article ("Is Your Breakfast Giving You Cancer?", because I am just one of many expectant moms, most of whom are being encouraged to consume a multi-vitamin with folic acid. After my own reading and research, we decided over four years ago that multi-vitamins were not proven safe or effective. "The research is mixed, at best," says Jay Martin, president of NSA JuicePlus. During my pregnancies, I confidently eat extra JuicePlus because it is ONLY food and I know that the folate I need is best consumed from these raw foods. Our family does not consume multi-vitamins. We stay away from things enriched and fortified. (Would you be enriched if someone stole $100 from you and then gave you back $10?!) We steer clear of processed foods and try to eat as WHOLE as possible.

These make total sense to me. Here are the conclusions of the above article from Prevention:

* Continue to eat as many foods as you want that contain natural folate (leafy greens, citrus fruits, lentils, and dried beans). You can't OD that way.

* Read labels. Cereals vary wildly in the amounts of folic acid they contain, and you can probably figure that you're getting more than the label says. One study of the 29 most popular cereals found that the actual level of folic acid and iron was up to 3 times higher than the amount listed. Check your sports drink too--many contain folic acid.

* Switch to noninstant oatmeal, which isn't usually fortified, instead of other breakfast cereals.

* Choose whole grain flour, bread, cereal, pasta, and rice. Whole grain foods aren't required to be fortified. As a result, 1 cup of whole wheat flour has only about 50 mcg of folic acid, while the same amount of refined flour contains almost 400 mcg. If your bread or cereal is made with whole grain flour, that should be the first ingredient listed.

* Rethink that multivitamin. A recent CDC study discovered that half of supplement users who took supplements with more than 400 mcg of folic acid exceeded 1,000 mcg per day of folic acid. Most supplements pack 400 mcg. If you take a multi as insurance, ask your doctor whether individual supplements (of vitamin D and calcium, for instance) may be smarter.

Crisis of Contraception

As if I could post something to ponder besides pregnancy!

B and I were lamenting recently that some of the young people we know seem to want the best of single living and also the best of married living- at the same time. Surely this is at least part of the reason that they live together or sleep together before they are married. Marriage just doesn't look the same when you look at it this way.

This article on marriage and self-sacrifice
is very interesting to me. I seem to find a lot of Catholic blogs and articles, and this is one. The author is making the point that Catholics choosing their vocation have been deeply (albeit largely unknowingly) affected by contraception. The entire article is worth reading. It's especially pertinent for me as I think about the self-sacrifice of adding another child (uh-oh. Here I go again!) to our family. My desire is not to have a jaded view of what my life should or could be, but to view all sacrifice and difficulty and challenge as worth it, as ordained.

Now, because of artificial contraception, the whole underlying assumptions and expectations about marriage have shifted. Marriage is no longer a way to give all, but a way to have it all. Therefore, when a young person today considers a religious vocation, they are not choosing between different paths of self-sacrifice; they are choosing between a life that seems to have it all and a life that seems to have nothing. They must choose between a home in the suburbs, 2.5 nice children, and a double income or total self denial. The choice is between a familiar form of hedonism or an inexplicable form of heroism.

Finally, a contraceptive culture is inherently sterile. When the marriage act is open to life and is creative, it shows that self-giving is the way of life and fruitfulness. This re-echoes in the search for religious vocation for a young person. If they have seen within marriage that self-giving obedience to the Church and personal sacrifice bring forth abundant fruit and new life, then they will understand implicitly that the religious vocation -- with its own set of sacrifices -- is also, implicitly, a life of fruitfulness and joy.

Could it be, therefore, that one of the solutions to the vocations crisis is better marriage preparation? At every opportunity -- in marriage preparation, RCIA, and all forms of catechesis -- the true understanding of the sacrament of marriage must be explained, expounded, and extolled. In the face of a culture that overwhelmingly assumes that marriage is an opportunity for self-fulfillment, we must remember that to be a Christian means we must take up our cross and follow Christ. At every opportunity, we must be reminded that the way to the abundant life is through service to others, and we must therefore never forget that marriage is for giving, not for getting. We must rediscover the deep wisdom of Humane Vitae, for at the heart of a self-sacrificial marriage must be the mutual self-giving and creativity of the marriage act.

Still Getting Ready

Haircuts. Nails trimmed. Baby things organized. Bassinet up. Carseat accessible. Blinds dusted. Furniture rearranged. Clothes sorted and donations ready to go.

These are the kinds of things that give me a sense of being more ready for a new baby. (At 38+ weeks, we think the baby could come any day.)

Then, while walking tonight, I had the thought: If I were home right now and the baby was here, too. . . I'd be nursing and changing and putting a baby to bed. For some reason I just can't picture that! Add to that my thought today that surely, though my belly is large, I just can't possibly have a "full-size newborn" in there. . .

I don't think there really is a getting ready. The only thing I really want is a ready heart, an accepting heart, a heart leaned hard into the Lord. Oh, prepare me!

Maple Syrup Surprise

Last week a package arrive that we were not expecting. Inside were two jugs of Wisconsin maple syrup, a note, and four dollars to put in Easter eggs for the kids.

I cried.

The Lord continues to provide for us in unexpectedly wonderful, creative, amazing ways. We broke the seal on the syrup and enjoyed it on pancakes the next day in celebration.

Seems that my parent's generosity has blessed someone in their community. That woman, in turn, had the idea to send syrup to my family just because- and so she did. It was a little bit of "passing it on" and a little bit of listening to the Spirit, and a little bit of just good mid-western neighborliness.

I'm so thankful. On days when I wonder about life. . . and am reminded that Someone knows we like pancakes and have spent the grocery money and would be touched to receive a spontaneous gift in the mail. Thank you!

Where to Put the Bassinet

The birth supplies are in order, the clothes and blankets and diapers stacked on bookshelves in our room. There are some snacks around and enough groceries to last the week. I'm thinking it's time to wash the car seat cover and put up the pack-n-play bassinet. Our room is feeling crowded. . .

So, I muse aloud and ask L (4 and 11/12ths!) what she would think about having the bassinet in her room.

"Great!" she enthusiastically responds.

"I'm not sure." I say. I don't want the baby to wake her up in the night.

"Well, maybe you could just teach me how to make milk and I could feed the baby for you." she volunteers. I see the sincerity on her face and am so touched. I thank her for the offer but explain that won't work.

"That's okay," she says. "If the baby cries, I'll just pick him up and bring him to you so you can nurse."

Oh, this sweet girl! How I remember feeling this way with our first- that it was such an exciting joy to need to be up at night to meet a baby's needs. Now my selfishness rears it's head and I dread the sleepiness of months without resting through the night. I'm looking forward, thinking of adding another CHORE, instead of looking at the JOY of serving, of being needed, of the sweet baby smell in the dark. My daughter, bless her, reminds me of all of this. (But I haven't put the bassinet in her room yet!)

Give Up or Work Harder

We're 38 weeks now and I feel sure that this baby will meet us sometime this month. I've been juggling all of life, wearing my mom hat and teacher hat and wife hat and kitchen apron and phone headset. . .

Last week was a busy week of sharing health and building into our wellness community. I love that. It excites me to share wellness with others, to see them making small changes that bring about good things in their families. Yet it takes time.

We didn't accomplish (I'm loathing that word!) much in school last week. I had a migraine one day that turned into a complete wash and the next day I gratefully allowed the children to play while I picked up the pieces. I really hoped to be further along before the baby came so that I could relax into summertime, when we school more flexibly, working through literature and different math books and it takes less time. We also spent six hours on Tuesday at dr. offices (R's cast). . .

I look around and the house isn't as clean and tidy as I would like it to be. I SEE all the nesting projects I'd like to tackle, but am either restrained by finances or time. I'm wondering how to balance things. Even though I am doing less "work" this week, I want to clean up schooling, ready the house, and well, prepare. Can I be mentally prepared for another life? And, of course, in all of this there are character issues rising to the surface and things that need to be dealt with in the children's hearts, and in my own.

Do I work harder, try to accomplish these things? Or throw up my arms and surrender to the chaos? How do I live dependent on Him, relying on His strength and His timing and His GRACE for each of us? The cleaning will always need attended to, the laundry will always be waiting, bellies will need refilling, hearts will need attending, need mercy.

I throw myself on grace today. Lord, give me the grace I need to live. . . SEEING You and praising You.

101. Job opportunity still possible, and yet postponed until July. So thankful I don't have to have a baby AND move!
102. Lilacs. Reminds me of my dad and my Grandma Lamoreux. Fills the house with an incredible April scent.
103. Lettuces and spinach growing in the garden.
104. Gift of compost!
105. One meal in the freezer (God moved a friend to give!).
106. Clean white bedspread (wet again!).
107. Friends who just drop by.
108. Little green cherries.
109. Boys working in the yard.
110. Husband and oldest striding to church together.
111. Hard conversations, humility.
112. Boy's careful handwriting, telling what his mouth resists saying.
113. Joy of new life, God-breathed, in my friend.
114. Schoolwork at the picnic table.
115. New library books poured over.

This Week In Photos

Photos from Easter and R's cast (he slipped from a Magnolia tree, but landed on his feet). He'll be in the cast for 3 weeks while his fracture heals. He says it doesn't bother him at all; "it's kind of cool."

We colored LOTS of eggs this year, so everyone could do six or eight of their own design. T's method was a quick plunge in and out of the color and then put the egg into the carton. He colored all of his eggs in record time, and then started over and repeated until everyone else finished.

Lamb cake had a definite tilt by the time the photo was taken. One little piece of the back was held in place with frosting. Kids added jelly beans when I was elsewhere. L chose the flowers to adorn the neck, head, and bum! Everyone agreed, however, that the lamb was delicious this year. (A whole wheat version of my grandmother's recipe, frosted with delicious almond buttercream icing.)

37 Weeks

We are now officially considered full term, so the home birth will proceed as planned unless something unexpected happens to send us to VA Baptist.

I'm hot. Really hot. The nice weather is nice. . . and making me hot. I've had swollen ankles for the first time ever. I'm also experiencing more Braxton Hicks contractions than I remember with other pregnancies (but, let's face it; I don't remember.). I just don't have the feeling that I'll be pregnant for another month. Even though I was 42 weeks with T, I'm confident that the dates were off a bit. This time I feel more confident about the due date (April 25). O, R, and L were all between 37 and 1/2 and 38 and 1/2 weeks. . . so. . . we shall see!

Dear friends have had babies recently and I'm so thankful to see those precious little ones. I have moments of excitement to meet our own little Curtis (though mostly I'm too preoccupied to think much OR I'm thinking of all the adjustments to come). If the Lord gives me many more of these hot, uncomfortable, pregnant days I will most definitely be ready to face the challenge of bringing forth another One and welcoming them to our Curtis life.

I Need YOU

T is calling for me from upstairs, again. He has had a fever and coughs for the past few days and seems to be having special difficulty falling and staying asleep. I, as a direct result, am feeling tired, and ashamed to admit... impatient.

So, I climb upstairs and lean down over him and ask, "T, do you need something?"

T (2): a tearful, "YES!"

me: "What do you need?"

T: "YOU."

That's it. Once he had me he could put his fingers in his mouth and rest. He was comforted. . . just by my presence.

That's humbling. And humiliating, when I was loathe to respond to his cries AGAIN. I'm so ashamed by my selfishness. Especially today, after celebrating Easter yesterday, thinking on all the Son endured for ME, who didn't deserve it. And the tears fall from my own eyes and all I want is HIM. . . So I understand my T and can only give thanks for this glimpse of grace.

Easter Eve

I don't feel I can let Easter pass without posting something significant, for the gravitas of the remembering is so heavy on my heart. Yet I'm having contractions, feeling my age (and pregnant!), and T has had a fever (therefore I've been holding him a LOT). At the end of the day I'm simply feeling worn out and lacking anything meaningful to say. And YET. . .

So, here is an excerpt from a book that stirred me, all the way back in high school, The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis:

My Dear Wormwood,

Now I am obliged to write to you about the most uncomfortable subject. At all costs I would wish to avoid even the mention of this matter but it must be broached. I am referring to the Christian holiday known as Easter. As you know it is the celebration of the day when our Enemy above slew death. Oh, what a shock it was to us all that day. I can remember so vividly my reaction the moment it happened! What screams of rage and anger were heard everywhere in our Kingdom Below. How totally helpless we felt at that moment. We were outmaneuvered. Never in a million years could we have imagined that the Enemy would really love those pitiful humans enough to go through with it. He actually died a terrible death to keep them out of our clutches. Why should they be of such worth to Him? We could not understand. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me take you back to the beginning.

Before the Enemy created these human beings, our Father below was well on his way to becoming Ruler of the Universe. The Christian’s Bible says somewhere that our father was thrown out of heaven by the Enemy, but don’t you believe it. Heaven had gotten too small for him. He decided to go on to bigger and better things. And he wasn’t about to let the Enemy tell him what to do anymore. Our father below knew much better how things should be.

About a third of us went with him. We wanted to better ourselves. We were going with a winner.

Then the Enemy brought into being these human creatures. That was a blow, I’ll tell you. They walked in perfect harmony with him. They did whatever He said. They were completely on His side. All they wanted was to please Him. They lived in this beautiful garden and were perfectly happy. Ugh!!! We could see the handwriting on the wall. Pretty soon the whole earth would be full of them.

But our father below devised a plan. He disguised himself and snuck into their garden one day. In his clever way he convinced them that there was something better than pleasing the Enemy. They could become their own god. They could be in charge, be the boss of their own life. “Why obey him? There is so much more to life than that. It is so foolish to let the Enemy be your God, he told them. Think what you will miss if you stay with Him. I will give you a higher wisdom”, he promised.

(Have you noticed that our father below is still using this approach very effectively today? Those humans are so impressed with their own wisdom now. You can get them to believe almost anything. They will absolutely destroy themselves now rather than accept the authority of the Enemy above. They are such a stupid bunch of mortals.)

Anyway, as I was saying, our father below convinced them to disobey their Creator. He told them, “go ahead and do it, you will not die.” (a little lie there, he’s an expert at that all right.) He knew that is exactly what would happen. And then those feeble earthlings would be in our clutches.

They disobey their Creator, rebel against him, and then they become ours. Their Creator can’t keep them because He can’t have in His presence anyone that isn’t pure and holy. He is so narrow. He insists on only what is good. That doesn’t leave any room for all the bad out there.

Well, the humans fell for it. They got suckered into our camp. And immediately they started to die.

And ever since, death has been our great ally. Do you know how many millions we bring into Hell every year through death? It is one of our few pleasures. How delicious to see them suffer! They feel such loss and pain when their loved ones die. Death was the great triumph of our father below.

I say “was” because the Enemy changed all that.

The first thing he did was to lower himself and be born as one of “them.” We almost got him killed when he was a baby. But he eluded us then. He grew up to be a man. He taught those poor humans about himself, all the while not really spreading around who he was. Then one day he gave himself up to be killed by a bunch of jealous religious leaders. We figured it was a big bluff. Just an excuse to perform a public miracle and escape at the last minute. But he actually went through with it. He let them nail him to a cross and he died. We all thought, “Aha, you’re beaten now! You’ve just made your big mistake!”

All of us were feeling, for a few hours, a big relief from that constant fear we had always felt toward the Enemy. Maybe all those prophecies about our last judgment would never happen after all. Death had claimed the Creator of life. Finally our Lord Satan would be undisputed ruler of all.

Then Sunday morning came. The Enemy reappeared. Suddenly, he was alive. Death could not hold him. But it was even worse than that. He had become an innocent sacrifice for the sins of all those humans. He had paid their penalty. He had died in their place. Now death could not hold them either. They could be forgiven and reunited with the Enemy. They can now live forever. For all practical purposes, death has died. There has never been a more disastrous day in the history of the universe.

That, my dear Wormwood, is the whole sad truth.

There is only one thing we can do. We must redouble our efforts. We must do everything we can to make sure that these humans do not believe in Jesus. And if they do believe then make them lukewarm and too busy with other things to be of any use to him.

We have some reason to hope. Much of the media help us. And there is such a climate of pleasure-seeking and materialism that often the Christians aren’t any different from anybody else. Many Christians are uncommitted. Some are hypocrites. And we have got many sincere people convinced they are so guilty that they have no hope. Others are bitter and have closed their ears to the message of the Resurrection. Others are just self-satisfied and only care about now.

We have laid some very good groundwork intellectually. Many educated people have been kept from considering both sides and are firmly convinced that there is no intellectual basis for believing in Jesus. They don’t know what we know and we are not about to tell them. Many of these people are even convinced that we don’t exist! That’s very good! In closing, I will just say, Fight on, Wormwood. I fear we will lose in the end, but let us take as many of them with us as we can. Their willful, selfish part of them gives us much fertile ground to cultivate. We may have lost the war, but let’s go out and win some battles for our father below.

Your Uncle,
Screwtape

Re-Entry Is Rough!

Several days late, but let's just say that after a weekend away. . . I'm shocked by the pace and obligations and responsibility and craziness of my own life. Whew!