Second Snow

Here are photos from our second winter snow- another 12 inches! Today was gloriously sunny and warm (in the 30s), so we were able to really enjoy it. Plus, it was good to have two days "snowed in" at home with little to do beside home projects, reading, building giant train tracks, watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and making snow ice cream (R with spoon). Yum!

That Special Look

My heart does a flip flop when I catch B giving the look to L(4). I don't think he is even aware of the warm melting look that passes over his eyes in an instant. She is growing up so quickly, turning so lovely. Sometimes her blond beauty and innocence bring tears to my own eyes. . . and yet even that feeling pales when I watch her with her daddy.

Sometimes L will be sitting on B's lap and he will brush a strand of hair from her face or she will say something that causes him to gaze at her with extra intensity. I see something in his eyes that is so very precious; a daddy marveling at his daughter, appreciating her, adoring her, completely enamored.

It passes quickly, as all things do around here. And yet I treasure up those special looks. They remind me that I am a daughter, too. To think of my dad, and my Abba Father gazing at me that way. . . What a special look of love.

Could Have Known

One week after my healthy post, I have a child coughing in bed and one with a runny nose. Yet, I'm still grateful for the health we have all enjoyed. Being healthier doesn't mean we don't get sick. . . just less often and less severely. It's hard on a family when their are sickies!

AND, it puts the nail in the coffin for birthday parties with other children (who are sick) and too much sugar and junk food.

Beware, and Be Humble

Note:
When your friend says she is hesitant to potty train because she doesn't want messes on her oriental rugs and she doesn't want her (nice) furniture ruined. .

And you are not overly sympathetic. . .

And you say that none of your four children have ruined any furniture (or rugs). . .

And you smile to yourself and feel just a smidge of satisfaction that those days are successfully behind you (until Baby 5). . .

Watch out.

For the next day you will go to your daughter's room and fall over when you see a BIG, BROWN, smeared stain on her lovely little upholstered pink chair.

Small Victory

L (4) declared to me last week, "It's so easy for me not to bit my fingernails anymore!"

She proudly held her fingers up for inspection and then asked, with much excitement, whether I would PLEASE paint her fingernails for her.

I thought, with so much joy, how easy that victory seemed for her. When I noticed several months ago that she had quite a habit of chewing the nails down, I worried that it was the beginning of a lifelong habit, a bane for her entire future. (I know women who chewed their nails in grade school and still do it in their 30s.) Without making much ado over it, I tried deterring her by painting the nails (so they would taste bad?). That didn't work. I tried gentle reminders. The tension in my mind was wanting to turn her aside from chewing her nails, but not making this an obsession (let's face it; I don't have time to be obsessed with any of my children's personal habits!). I wasn't sure if chewing her nails was an attention getter, or if it was a sign of internal stress or boredom, or control, or WHAT.

SO. . . I am relieved and grateful for this victory, which seemed so easy for her. For the past month or two we have talked about asking the Lord to help her have self-control and for her to pray when she feels like chewing her nails. (She said several times, "I asked Jesus to help me and HE DID!")

Apparently, she was also motivated by the thought of having nails like mine (longer than boy nails) that she could have painted, too. For all this, I am thankful. And proud of my Darlin'.

January's Habit: Gratitude

Well, you have to start somewhere. Inspired by the list of THOUSANDS of things that A. Voskamp is grateful for, and thinking on several things I heard in 2009, I am endeavoring to be purposefully grateful this year. My thought is that if I focus on one healthy habit each month, by the end of 2010 I'll have bettered myself in 12 ways!

Lately I have been sorrowed to see in myself a lack of contentment and gratitude. The truth is, I'm whiney and quick to complain and criticize. It's not who I want to be. There is a journal beside my bed (it's probably been there for nearly a year already!) for listing my daily thanks. Maybe posting these on Mondays will help me keep on track.



1. Made-up recipes that turn out to be good (crockpot chili)
2. Swimming smiles
3. "I love you, Boy." "I love YOU, MOMMYYYYY!"
4. First glimpse of husband after work
5. Sunshine after rain
6. Birds frolicking in trees outside the window
7. Neighbors calling across the street
8. Stolen hour with a friend
9. Unexpected phone call from my sister
10. Really good, creamy ice cream
11. Children clamboring to say good morning to the baby in my belly
12. Growing friendship with another family
13. Deeper unity with husband as we work hard on our finances
14. Strength and skill displayed as O starts another lap in the pool
15. Shared laughter with husband, even through the YMCA glass

Keys for Swimming

T (2), before rest today, asked: "Daddy, are swimming lessons open today?"

B: No.

T: "Mommy has keys in her purse."

A Happy, Healthy Realization

In talking with several moms this week, it came to me that our family REALLY IS much healthier than we have been. Since adding JuicePlus nearly four years ago, and changing our diet over time to incorporate more fruits and vegetables, whole grains and much less processed food. . . we REALLY are healthier.

So far this year we have not had the flu (any of us), nor even any colds (except I had a cough for a few days). No trips to the doctor for anything. That really is amazingly good! Not only are we saving money because we are healthier, but we feel good, too! (This has led us to consider other health care options for insurance, because we just don't use the sick care system often enough to justify huge monthly expenses.)

I know this isn't just coincidental. We have seen incremental changes in our health over time because of the changes we have made. The JuicePlus research shows this to be true, as well. One published study was done on law students in FL (we can relate!) and the students eating JuicePlus were sick less often and when they were sick it didn't last as long.

What is the value of health to you? As I realize how much healthier we are today, I am filled with gratitude, not only for JuicePlus, but also for the health education that has come along with that community. I've heard it said that a healthy family is a happy family. . . and I know it to be true for us.

Activities that Work Now

In this season, there are some activities that seem to be working well for our family.

The 8, 6, and 4 year old are taking swimming lessons at the YMCA once a week for the next six weeks. They LOVE it. We are able to use some gift money they were given, and it really is wonderful to see their smiles in the pool. (Granted, the entire day leading up to swimming lessons is just TOO much excitement!) I think R smiled during his whole lesson this week.

All four kids are in Pioneers Club on Sunday evenings through our church. Again, they love it and look forward to this time. I'm still adjusting to having an hour and a half without any children, but have found that time valuable for planning my week or spending time with B.

Joint schooling with another family that lives close. The big boys have memory, math, and Spell to Write and Read with the G girls on Tuesday mornings at their house. On Wednesdays, 3 of the G girls come here for science, memory, and history with us. Friday mornings we meet again to recap the week, test for spelling, put another math lesson under our belt, and complete a fun history project. Overall, this has been a great blessing! My boys seem to thrive with the challenge of same-age competition, and Mrs G has fun systems in place that are highly motivating (tickets for prizes and ice cream, for example).

Friday nights are family worship night. We gather for dinner with a few other families, then spend time in the Word as families. This is important to us, and we are enjoying the fellowship of believers.

When I type it out, it looks like a lot! Especially for this happy-at-home mother. But it's for this season, and I know that things will slow down again once the baby comes. We will do a lot of school for the next several months so that we can do less school while we adjust our lives again and focus on different things through the summer.

On Suffering in Haiti

I don't pretend to understand the fearsome acts of God. Yet, I am humbled.

George MacDonald, in his novel What's Mine's Mine, wrote:

"There are tenderhearted people who virtually object to the whole scheme of creation. They would neither have force used nor pain suffered; they talk as if kindness could do everything, even where it is not felt. Millions of human beings but for suffering would never develop an atom of affection. The man who would spare due suffering is not wise. Because a thing is unpleasant, it is folly to conclude it ought not to be. There are powers to be born, creations to be perfected, sinners to be redeemed, through the ministry of pain, to be born, perfected, redeemed, in no other way."

The words of Jesus in Luke 13 make the sense to me. When a tower fell and many died, Jesus stated, "Do you suppose that these Galileans were greater sinners than all the other Galileans, because they have suffered such things? I tell you, no; but except you repent, you shall all likewise perish" (Luke 13:2-5).

Our Reality Show

It's time for some photos, but the camera didn't yield many beautiful shots. Mostly, real life has been happening around here, and this is just a glimpse.

All my helpers. I don't have anywhere to stand anymore!


L and Daddy.


R reading Bible after dinner.



Me, working. Making phone calls and growing a baby.

Unintelligble Cursive

At breakfast today, T (2) held up his toast, which he had pulled apart, and said a few words, which no one could comprehend. L (4) figured out why no one could comprehend and asked T for confirmation: "T, are you speaking in cursive?"

May 1, Or So

May 1st is what I've been telling people is my due date. This, even though based on my LMP and sonogram the baby's due April 25th.

My reasoning is that most people will remember the May part and forget the actual date. This works better than telling everyone I'm due April 25th; when they only remember the April part they will start wondering on April 1st why I am still pregnant (and asking me, too).

This happened with T. Even though I wasn't due until the first week of August (the 7th or 9th or something), for some reason everyone assumed he would come in July. (The other 3 children were all born before 39 weeks, so this did make sense.) By the time he was born (Aug. 22), everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that he was finally here.

It's just not a great feeling when, for many weeks, people seem surprised to see you and can't stop themselves from asking the question, "So, still haven't had that baby?" No, obviously not. . . but I'm okay with that.

So, since I'm okay with going 40 or 41 or 42 weeks of pregnancy but would rather not worry everyone else about it, I'm sticking with May 1st as my answer. I feel good about it.

Until B and I are talking tonight in the van and all of a sudden it hits me that I really could have a baby in April and that my due date really is only three months away. Yikes! That doesn't sound like much time. May sounds so much further off, so much more. . . almost summery. April is only one month past winter and now is winter- and I could have a baby then.

Sometimes my rounding and estimating gets me in trouble. Tonight was a little reality check for me. Need to get ready for baby. . . check.

Cogs

The other night O (8), R (6), B, and I did the dishes after Sunday dinner, all working together. I washed, B dried, then he handed dry dishes to O and R, alternately, to be put away. Sunday clean up always seems difficult because I'm tired by then and hurrying to get T and L to rests. To encourage everyone (mostly myself), I urged them that if we could finish before the timer went off there would be treats all around. So we worked quickly.

R was too short to put most things away, so he mostly watched B, O, and I; as well as keeping up his usual chatter. At one point, the boys were waiting for me to finish washing another dish, and I cheerfully exclaimed, "I guess I'm the slow cog in this operation."

O piped right up and said, "No, I think it's me."

R quickly added, "I'm not even a cog in this operation."

Also at the Sonogram

I failed to mention that L and I were rather disappointed. I'm ashamed even to admit that we weren't completely happy and excited about this newest boy. We were so hoping for a girl. I'm embracing the idea now, but it has been emotional for me to think that probably I will never have another daughter, that L could be our only girl, that another girl (if ever) could be "so far" in the future (it seems far away from here, with pregnancy and delivery and nursing and all that looms before me!). My heart's desire is to have daughters! Though I am so very, very grateful for the miracle of this healthy baby boy. . . I've had to really pray and cry.

So did L. When the tech started the sonogram, O, R, and L were antsy. They fidgeted and whispered; their excitement was apparent. After B said, "I think I can see it's a boy" and I said, "Yes. I agree." and the tech said, "Yes, it definitely looks like a boy to me!". . . L grew very quiet. "It's a boy?" she asked, disbelievingly.

Her joy and energy seemed to drain away when Kim (the tech) reiterated, "Yes! A boy!" She snuggled deeper into B's lap, her interest draining away, too. After awhile she turned her head away from the sonogram and lay still in B's lap. Granted, it was rest time.

I love my daughter, for the common blood that courses through us. Part of me wanted to join her on her daddy's lap at the sonogram. We had extra snuggles later that day and quiet little sad moments that the two of us shared in complete understanding. Even the next morning we embraced with the same thought on our mind, needing the consolation and reassurance of one another.

Oh, Baby C! We are looking forward to meeting you. We are praying over your name. We are talking about you and thinking of you ("my baby broder kickin' me" T (2) says). We are so very thankful for you. Even as L and I cry and feel sorry that we won't have a little girl to love, we are thankful that the Lord sees fit to bring you, precious you.

Signs to See

Looking back on the week, I see God's hand of provision.

B had his first court appointed work, AND he received a second court appointed case. Their firm was paid for a major case that B helped with last year and he should receive that money with his next paycheck.

We were able to stay within the grocery budget (and even though I'm hungry, we're okay!).

Sale of granola.

New and returning customer orders placed for JuicePlus.

Free bread.

Good health. Sweet fellowship time (spontaneously) with friends. Wonder of new life kicking within my womb. Precious moments with our children. Praying with my husband.

Grocery Day

So difficult for me!

I'm not one to clip coupons. For one, we don't get the paper and I feel like it's a waste of time to poke around websites. Most coupons are for things we don't use. I rarely buy anything processed or name brand, which is what most coupons are for. If I could get my hands on some discounts for apples, potatoes, barley, and Greek yogurt.. then I'd be excited.

Our cash system is working much better than me buying groceries with the card, I'm too good at justifying everything to stay within our $125. With cash, getting groceries is an hour long arduous decision making process. "I thought we'd have roast chicken and quinoa, but I can't afford this chicken. If I don't do the chicken, should I put the quinoa back or come up with another plan? Can I buy chicken broth if I don't get the chicken, because I won't be able to make my own? Is it more profitable to choose 2 pomegranates or a small bag of frozen fruit?" Ahhh....

B is so good at looking at things objectively (what a great strength for a lawyer!). He says, "You did your best and you stayed within the budget; good job!"

I, on the other hand, emotional and hungry as usual, cry that I couldn't get pesto for the pizza nor good cheddar for the broccoli cheese soup nor healthy nuts and fruit to snack on.

At this point, it looks to be a very lean week indeed (at least to me; I'm still eating frequently and moodily!). I'm sure we will be fine; I'm looking to praise God every day for what we DO have.

His provision: free bread from the store (the package was ripped and I asked for a discount and instead received the whole loaf free).

Words for the New Year

From The Valley of Vision (Puritan prayers):

"O Lord,
Length of days does not profit me except the days are passed in thy presence,
in thy service, to thy glory.
Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides, sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,
that I may not be one moment apart from thee, but may rely on thy Spirit to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire
to show forth thy praise,
testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
with thee, O Son, at my helm,
with thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails. . . "

Provisions

New Year. Same financial woes. We are working on what seems to be a mountain of debt, trying to live off of what seems like a pittance. We are stressed and stretched and at the same time, B and I find ourselves drawn together before God's throne- not just pleading for an easy way out, but really repenting and seeking His face and His provision for our family.

He always comes through.

Sunday seemed like a low point as we prayed in the early morning, but we asked God to encourage us, opening our eyes to see His care. Mercifully, we saw it:

1)A spontaneous supper invitation provided a free meal for our family.
2)Friends returning from FL called to offer us free citrus (YES!).
3)A Christmas return made in the nick of time put $20 cash in the bank.
4)B received his first court appointed case on Monday morning.

We are also working through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Step One (put $1000 in the bank within the next two months) seems impossibly daunting. With a little chart on the bulletin board, we're tracking each $10 deposit and looking for God to surprise us. We're only at $120, but I'm absolutely certain we'll have lots more God stories to share in the next few months. That's an adventure.

Sonogram Notes

We (all of us except T) went to see our baby last week on Thursday (New Year's Eve). What a miraculous peek into mystery.
I still can't comprehend the weaving that God does to make a child in the dark place.
Hearing a heartbeat, even after six times, still causes my stomach to flip-flop.
Seeing a face, toes, hands. . . moving, grasping, kicking, breathing. . . it takes my breath away. And I laugh. It's so amazing, I just can't help myself. (Though it is impossible to have a clear sonogram when one's belly is shaking with uncontrollable mirth.)

And we heard from Kim, the tech. . .
He is active!
He has ten fingers; ten toes.
He is healthy!
He loves his feet. (His hands were mostly playing with his feet as we watched.)
He is most definitely a BOY.

And I saw. . .
He has something about him that looks exactly like T.
He has R's nose (my dad's).
He is already prepared for life with big siblings (he liked to put his hands up in a defensive gesture before his face.)
He IS. Alive. Moving. Growing. Ordained. Our boy.

Farmer Cheese Chowder

This is a recipe I made yesterday, and was pleased with the results. I had been deterred by the thought of a cheese chowder, but packing it full of vegetables appealed to me! This is (yet another) adaption of a Cooking Light recipe. (You may want to dice your veggies small; I didn't realize until the end that they weren't going to be pureed!)

Farmer Cheese Chowder
3 cups diced carrot
1 cup sliced celery
2 cups diced butternut squash
3/4 chopped green onion
4 cups (mostly) peeled red potatoes, diced
14 oz chicken or veggie broth
3/4 cup Chablis or other dry white wine
1/3 cup flour
2 cups coconut milk
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp red pepper
3/4 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1/4 cup shredded Swiss cheese

1. Melt a little butter in a cooking pot. Place over medium-high heat until hot. Add carrots, celery, squash, and onions; saute 8 minutes. Add potato, broth, and wine; bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 25 minutes or until potatoes are tender.

2. Place flour and seasonings in a bowl. Gradually add milk, stirring well with a whisk. Add flour mixture to pan; cook until thick (about 2 minutes). Remove from heat and stir in cheeses until they melt. Ladle into soup bowls and enjoy!

Wholly Good Granola

We LOVE this stuff! I've heard YES it's okay to eat oats this way and NO it's preferable to soak them and cook them. . . but we love this and that means something.

Wholly Good Granola
4 cups old-fashioned oats
1 ½ cups sliced or slivered almonds
½ cup packed light brown sugar (optional)
½ tsp. salt
½ tsp. ground cinnamon
¼ cup expeller pressed oil (we use coconut)
¼ cup honey (increase if no sugar)
1 tsp. vanilla (or almond extract is delicious)
1 ½ cups raisins or dried cranberries (we love cherries, too!)

(I usually sprinkle in wheat germ and flax seeds, and sometimes add coconut or sesame or sunflower seeds, or vary the nuts I use. If I add a lot of other goodies, I increase the oil and honey to 2/3 and 2/3.)

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
In a large bowl, combine all the dry ingredients. In a saucepan, heat the honey and oil until warm. Stir in the vanilla or almond extract. Pour the liquid mixture over the oats. Stir gently. Spread granola in a jelly roll pan (I prefer the large stoneware bar pan). Bake for 40 minutes, stirring every 10 minutes (or not at all if you use the stone!). Transfer pan to a cooling rack and stir in dried fruit. Allow to cool completely and then store in an air-tight container. Can be stored in the freezer for up to 3 months. Makes approximately 9 cups. Enjoy!

Homemade Gifts

I know it's late, but we did manage to make and give away homemade Christmas gifts this year. The kids helped me make 5 batches of Wholly Granola (recipe is in the food section of the blog) and we put them into containers, labeled them, and gave them to friends and neighbors. (Many of our dear friends already have my recipe and make their own granola, though!) The kids also helped me prepare these spray bottles of Thieves cleaner (from Young Living). Not a gift that everyone would enjoy, but some of my good friends and moms who have a penchant for non-toxic cleaning seemed to be pleased. Thieves smells SO good, and you can use it for practically everything. Just a couple ideas for later!

Reflection on 2009

For the quiet moments: Some questions to reflect on from Tsh's Simple Mom blog.

Reflection Questions for 2009

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
5. Pick three words to describe 2009.
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2009 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2009 (again, without asking).
8. What were the best books you read this year?
9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.

Early Moments of 2010

I'm not usually up at this hour. Didn't expect to see the first moments of 2010. In fact, I fell asleep while the boys watched The Prince and the Pauper, sometime around 8 p.m. Then, when I went up to bed with B, I started waking up, started thinking, started crying. . . and even after his arm was limp and heavy over me I thought and the tears rolled into the sheets. I'm thinking so many things, mourning and hoping, praying and unable to pray.

Ann Voskamp's blog is such a source of inspiration for me. Years ago I thought of myself as a poet, a lover of words. Ann forges thoughts and feelings into words, crafts them in ways I think I have forgotten. These words of hers seem significant tonight:

"Time. It does this thing I just never get use to. This thing that wrests my heart right out, squeezes the arteries right dry, wrings me out.

It takes babies and children and all these days away. These days of books and paint sets and playdough. These days when they read all sprawled out and the snow falls. These days when we all know endless togetherness.

Lord, remind me often: Love is the only forever thing. Let me keep returning to that. Living that. And let Your love keep leading me Home."