Baron Von Hugel said, "The chain of cause and effect which makes up human life, is bisected at every point by a vertical line relating us and all we do to God."
Life has seemed so challenging lately. Tate had a fever and was restless, sleeping poorly, and wanting me to hold him constantly. My big boys were busy finishing school things for CC and pushing me toward insanity with their noise and boisterous energy. Livia continues to challenge me by wetting her pants and crying without good cause. My husband has been stressed by our financial situation and occupied with finals and thinking about work and taking the bar. I've had to come up with nourishing meals without many groceries and accustom myself to the idea of Christmas without the usual trimmings. My morning quiet times have been interrupted every day by children awake early (before 6:30) and my daily walks have been suspended due to rain and other extenuating needs. I've felt lonely and disconnected from family and friends, missing out on fellowship of believers and finding myself at home days on end. This is my lot right now. I wouldn't trade it. But, oh, how I long to know Christ more IN it. To have more peace, more contentment, more JOY- right here, right now.
I love what Elisabeth Elliot has to say to me:
"This is what He has given us to do, this task here on this earth, not the task we aspired to do, but this one. The absurdities involved cut us down to size. The great discrepancy between what we envisioned and what we've got force us to be real. And God is our great Reality, more real than the realest of earthly conditions, an unchanging Reality. It is His providence that has put us where we are. It's where we belong. It is for us to receive it--all of it--humbly, quietly, thankfully."
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Someone's Been Sitting In MY Chair. . .
This line from Goldilocks and the Three Bears has been playing in my head recently, except my version goes something like this:
Someone has been playing in our backyard. . . and left their toys behind.
Someone has been swinging in our baby swing. . . and broke the buckles off.
Someone has been going in our van at night. . . and taking things with them when they left (cd player, etc.).
Someone has been in our back yard with their cell phone. . . and have left the cell phone behind.
Someone has been jumping on our trampoline. . . and left a broom behind.
Hmmm. I guess these someones must not be too concerned for their things- or ours!
Someone has been playing in our backyard. . . and left their toys behind.
Someone has been swinging in our baby swing. . . and broke the buckles off.
Someone has been going in our van at night. . . and taking things with them when they left (cd player, etc.).
Someone has been in our back yard with their cell phone. . . and have left the cell phone behind.
Someone has been jumping on our trampoline. . . and left a broom behind.
Hmmm. I guess these someones must not be too concerned for their things- or ours!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Waiting for Teeth
Owen has lost four teeth now. You can see the permanent teeth are quickly growing in. Just another sign that my biggest boy is getting bigger and bigger. As he loses teeth, Tate gets his, which is a rather fun reminder of how quickly these days are passing. I can't get my mind around the brevity of life.
Ye Thankful People
The words of this traditional hymn are so poignant and sweet to me this Thanksgiving. Here is the first verse:
Come, Ye Thankful People, Come
Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home:
All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin;
God, our Maker, doth provide for our wants to be supplied:
Come to God's own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home.
We have seen God's providential hand taking care of our family. Yesterday morning I went to the grocery store to purchase groceries for the week. Ten days ago B had given me $100 for groceries. I held off going to the store, hoping to stretch the money. Yet, in that time some other expenses presented themselves and when I was ready to go yesterday I had $50 cash left. B and I had a heated discussion ("what happened to the other $50 that was for groceries?!") but it was what it was and we parted reconciled, but tense. (I am thankful for my husband, because I know he was just concerned that I wouldn't be able to buy everything we would need for this meager amount.) When I arrived at the store I realized that I had left the cash at home in the grocery envelope and had only my wallet and debit card with me. I had to humbly call home and ask if I could use the debit card and then deposit the cash into our account. All this drama at 7 a.m.!
I carefully selected the necessary groceries, sadly passing by clementines and apples and chocolate (!). I called home to ask B his coffee preference, as he has been without coffee for awhile and coffee was on sale. He told me his flavor of choice, but also told me twice that coffee wasn't a necessity and he wanted me to get everything else we needed first. I put the extra large canister into the cart, selected the last items, and proceeded to the checkout. I was pretty sure I had exceeded my $50, so I put four less-than-necessary items last (tomato juice, 10 grain cereal for muffins, rice, and the coffee) and waited to see what the total would be. Even though I would use the debit card, I did not want to exceed the $50 my husband gave me to spend.
$46.something.
Well, that was good, and I had two coupons which would take $2.00 off the total.
Add the rice (for soup and burritos and stir fry).
$48.something
Add the 10 grain mix (we LOVE this!).
$50ish.
Add the tomato juice (it was on sale and will be great in soup this week).
A bit under $52, so it should be okay with the coupons. (Did I mention the coupons were expired?!)
Only the coffee was left.
"The coffee?" the cashier asked.
"Not this time," I said. "My husband will just have to go without for another week."
It was at this point that the cashier quickly bought out her wallet and passed $6 into my hand. "We don't want anyone to have to go without," she said. Then she scanned the coffee, used the $6 to pay for it, took off the $2 from the coupons, and told me the new total: $50.00- EXACTLY.
I thanked her with tears in my eyes, asked God to bless her for her generosity, and then went home, where my husband was overcome by God's goodness and generosity. Not only did we get enough to meet our needs. . . but God also gave him something just because it would make him happy, out of love for my husband. "God our maker, doth supply for our WANTS to be supplied." We have never gone hungry and I know that "God does not allow the children of the righteous to go hungry." He has all the resources, and we marvel at His power and His love in dispersing what we need when we need it.
That afternoon when B brought the mail in, there was an anonymous gift card in an envelope- $100 at Kroger. We went to our knees, thanking God for giving to us so generously. We are moved that the saints would obey and sacrifice, and that we would benefit. Then B added, 'If only you could have waited a little longer to get groceries. . . " Ha.
Today we celebrate Thanksgiving as a thankful family. We will enjoy the afternoon and a feast with friends from law school. Again, God's abundant generosity causes us to wonder. I hope that today you are thankful of heart, too.
Come, Ye Thankful People, Come
Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home:
All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin;
God, our Maker, doth provide for our wants to be supplied:
Come to God's own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home.
We have seen God's providential hand taking care of our family. Yesterday morning I went to the grocery store to purchase groceries for the week. Ten days ago B had given me $100 for groceries. I held off going to the store, hoping to stretch the money. Yet, in that time some other expenses presented themselves and when I was ready to go yesterday I had $50 cash left. B and I had a heated discussion ("what happened to the other $50 that was for groceries?!") but it was what it was and we parted reconciled, but tense. (I am thankful for my husband, because I know he was just concerned that I wouldn't be able to buy everything we would need for this meager amount.) When I arrived at the store I realized that I had left the cash at home in the grocery envelope and had only my wallet and debit card with me. I had to humbly call home and ask if I could use the debit card and then deposit the cash into our account. All this drama at 7 a.m.!
I carefully selected the necessary groceries, sadly passing by clementines and apples and chocolate (!). I called home to ask B his coffee preference, as he has been without coffee for awhile and coffee was on sale. He told me his flavor of choice, but also told me twice that coffee wasn't a necessity and he wanted me to get everything else we needed first. I put the extra large canister into the cart, selected the last items, and proceeded to the checkout. I was pretty sure I had exceeded my $50, so I put four less-than-necessary items last (tomato juice, 10 grain cereal for muffins, rice, and the coffee) and waited to see what the total would be. Even though I would use the debit card, I did not want to exceed the $50 my husband gave me to spend.
$46.something.
Well, that was good, and I had two coupons which would take $2.00 off the total.
Add the rice (for soup and burritos and stir fry).
$48.something
Add the 10 grain mix (we LOVE this!).
$50ish.
Add the tomato juice (it was on sale and will be great in soup this week).
A bit under $52, so it should be okay with the coupons. (Did I mention the coupons were expired?!)
Only the coffee was left.
"The coffee?" the cashier asked.
"Not this time," I said. "My husband will just have to go without for another week."
It was at this point that the cashier quickly bought out her wallet and passed $6 into my hand. "We don't want anyone to have to go without," she said. Then she scanned the coffee, used the $6 to pay for it, took off the $2 from the coupons, and told me the new total: $50.00- EXACTLY.
I thanked her with tears in my eyes, asked God to bless her for her generosity, and then went home, where my husband was overcome by God's goodness and generosity. Not only did we get enough to meet our needs. . . but God also gave him something just because it would make him happy, out of love for my husband. "God our maker, doth supply for our WANTS to be supplied." We have never gone hungry and I know that "God does not allow the children of the righteous to go hungry." He has all the resources, and we marvel at His power and His love in dispersing what we need when we need it.
That afternoon when B brought the mail in, there was an anonymous gift card in an envelope- $100 at Kroger. We went to our knees, thanking God for giving to us so generously. We are moved that the saints would obey and sacrifice, and that we would benefit. Then B added, 'If only you could have waited a little longer to get groceries. . . " Ha.
Today we celebrate Thanksgiving as a thankful family. We will enjoy the afternoon and a feast with friends from law school. Again, God's abundant generosity causes us to wonder. I hope that today you are thankful of heart, too.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Make Extra Mashed Potatoes
So that you can make this recipe. It's fast. It's full of good things. Our family loved it, and it would be a nice change up after the traditional Thanksgiving meal. It is a bit spicy, but OH, so good!
Cowboy-Style Loaf
2 tsp. olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup diced green bell pepper
1/2 cup diced red bell pepper
1 and 1/2 tsp ground cumin
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced
1/2 cup BBQ sauce, divided
2 cups cooked mashed baking potato
1 cup regular oats
1/4 cup minced fresh cilantro
1/2 cup ketchup
1 Tbl. dijon mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
16 oz kidney or pinto beans, drained and mashed (1 can)
3/4 cup cheddar cheese
1. Preheat oven to 375
2. In olive oil, saute first seven ingredients (through but not including BBQ sauce) for 3-4 minutes.
3. Stir in 1/4 cup of BBQ sauce, potato, and next seven ingredients.
4. Spoon mixture into a loaf pan coated with cooking spray (or oil). Bake at 375 for 30 minutes.
5. Brush 1/4 cup BBQ sauce over loaf and sprinkle with cheese. Bake another 10 minutes, or until loaf is done. Let stand 10 minutes before slicing. Yum!
Cowboy-Style Loaf
2 tsp. olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup diced green bell pepper
1/2 cup diced red bell pepper
1 and 1/2 tsp ground cumin
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced
1/2 cup BBQ sauce, divided
2 cups cooked mashed baking potato
1 cup regular oats
1/4 cup minced fresh cilantro
1/2 cup ketchup
1 Tbl. dijon mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
16 oz kidney or pinto beans, drained and mashed (1 can)
3/4 cup cheddar cheese
1. Preheat oven to 375
2. In olive oil, saute first seven ingredients (through but not including BBQ sauce) for 3-4 minutes.
3. Stir in 1/4 cup of BBQ sauce, potato, and next seven ingredients.
4. Spoon mixture into a loaf pan coated with cooking spray (or oil). Bake at 375 for 30 minutes.
5. Brush 1/4 cup BBQ sauce over loaf and sprinkle with cheese. Bake another 10 minutes, or until loaf is done. Let stand 10 minutes before slicing. Yum!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Without Explanation or Words
What would you say if you suddenly had cold water running onto your head and down your face. . . off of the toilet brush?
"AAAAHHHHH!" Is all I could manage. Sometimes I don't have words for my life.
"AAAAHHHHH!" Is all I could manage. Sometimes I don't have words for my life.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Aroma of Gratitude
Last night I enjoyed time with my husband. Much of our conversation was focused on thanksgiving. We cleaned up the kitchen together and marveled at God's goodness and provision. Our four children were soundly sleeping upstairs. Our bellies were full (in fact I was making a batch of luxurious cookies!). Our home was warm (thanks to the fire B made and kept going all evening). There was chicken stock simmering on the stove in our NEW generously large pot (WOW! It showed up on our front steps. . . ). The stock was simmering from the leftovers of our delicious chicken dinner that friends brought by unexpectedly. . . We also received a mysterious gift of $20, which brought tears to my eyes. And Livia received a winter coat in the mail this week from forbearing relations (it has been really cold here)! The evening was so sweet for me, permeated with peace. Those few quiet moments of reflection caused us to praise the Lord for meeting our needs through His faithful saints. The house smelled delicious last night, but what lingers yet today is the aroma of gratitude.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
A Glimpse at a Month Ago
Here are some more photos from our IL trip in October:
Livia and friend Brynn. Owen out in the field after combining. Tate trying to climb a gate. Great memories!
Livia and friend Brynn. Owen out in the field after combining. Tate trying to climb a gate. Great memories!
Occupation: Baby Dresser
Last night after Tate's bath, Rhyle asked if he could put Tate's pajamas on him. (The big boys have enjoyed dressing Tate in the mornings lately when I have his clothes laid out.) I decided that this would be okay, freeing me up to check on Livia downstairs. Tate had already gone potty, so I figured the worst that could happen would be Rhyle hurting Tate in his attempt to dress him, but that was unlikely. I was curious about what could happen, so I put the pajamas and diaper on the floor, bid them adieu, and closed the door (so naked Tate couldn't walk out).
A short while later, Braden went upstairs to check the progress. When he got to the door he heard knocking from the other side. It was Tate. As Braden opened the door, Rhyle exclaimed, "Dad! I'm glad you're here. I'm trying to get Tate dressed, but I can't CATCH him!"
Sure enough, when Braden put Tate down on the floor with the diaper he was still. When Rhyle approached with the jammies Tate grinned and kicked his foot at Rhyle, then quickly rolled over and trotted away. Really, when you watch a naked baby trotting, it's quite funny- except when you are trying to dress him, of course.
I hope this doesn't permanently discourage Rhyle (and I don't think it did); I am still excited by the prospect of a little more help with one more thing. (And if it takes longer and occupies them both- without injury- that's even better.)
A short while later, Braden went upstairs to check the progress. When he got to the door he heard knocking from the other side. It was Tate. As Braden opened the door, Rhyle exclaimed, "Dad! I'm glad you're here. I'm trying to get Tate dressed, but I can't CATCH him!"
Sure enough, when Braden put Tate down on the floor with the diaper he was still. When Rhyle approached with the jammies Tate grinned and kicked his foot at Rhyle, then quickly rolled over and trotted away. Really, when you watch a naked baby trotting, it's quite funny- except when you are trying to dress him, of course.
I hope this doesn't permanently discourage Rhyle (and I don't think it did); I am still excited by the prospect of a little more help with one more thing. (And if it takes longer and occupies them both- without injury- that's even better.)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Boys Without Trepidation
We watched The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe last night with the boys. This is significant because both B and I have been looking forward to this for a long time (about 2 years, since the movie came out!). Two years ago we didn't think the boys were ready to watch this movie and we knew that we wanted them to be able to watch it together. They do most everything together. Since then, I have read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series to the boys twice, Owen has read it through at least twice on his own, and we have listened to the excellent Focus on the Family audio theater production. Since the boys have just had birthdays (and I saw the movie at the library), we revisited the discussion and decided that we thought it would be okay to watch this together, with us keeping a special eye out for scenes that may be too scary or confusing. (I was thinking about the possibility of bad dreams and indelible images of ogres and such.)
Well, not to worry, I guess. A few times the boys edged up on their seats or grabbed our hands, but when we asked if it was too scary they said, "No, it's GREAT!"
The movie comes to a climax at the battle scene. It is intense, so I looked over at Rhyle. "Yeah!" he said, "Now they are going to kill those bad ones!"
So much for trepidation.
The best part of the whole night was, for me, the very end of the movie. As the music fades away, Owen punched his fist into the air and cheered, "YES!" That's how my heart resounds with The Chronicles, too.
Well, not to worry, I guess. A few times the boys edged up on their seats or grabbed our hands, but when we asked if it was too scary they said, "No, it's GREAT!"
The movie comes to a climax at the battle scene. It is intense, so I looked over at Rhyle. "Yeah!" he said, "Now they are going to kill those bad ones!"
So much for trepidation.
The best part of the whole night was, for me, the very end of the movie. As the music fades away, Owen punched his fist into the air and cheered, "YES!" That's how my heart resounds with The Chronicles, too.
Friday, November 14, 2008
This Season of Life
Includes:
Being surprised by the demands of the 3L year. (I shouldn't be, but I really hoped those ladies who said it got a lot easier were right!) This means B is generally unavailable, exhausted, or irritable. Beware trigger fights (as a dear friend calls them)- this week we had an argument at 10:50 p.m. over green bean casserole and whether or not I would make it (sometime, hypothetically). School hours aren't normal with special trials and projects, which means we are spending more time than usual in the van picking up and dropping B off. (we are SO grateful for the new cd player and the audio Chronicles of Narnia!) It also means that a planned (and paid for!) trip to Williamsburg has been canceled.
Having a one year old who wants to do all his older siblings do. Tate now climbs on the kitchen stool and surprises me by how quickly he gets around. This week he had his first bloody nose (Livia was in the dryer and when she forcefully pushed the door open it hit T in the face). He has also been found (several times) with his hands in the potty- and once, his foot. He likes to take his socks off in bed, but it has been really chilly at night lately. He has also gotten stuck under the bed and has figured out how to turn the water on in the sink (oh no! more floods!?).
Seasons change quickly. I'm so thankful for where we are (withstanding everything!) that I wanted to pause and reflect on it for a minute before it is all gone.
Being surprised by the demands of the 3L year. (I shouldn't be, but I really hoped those ladies who said it got a lot easier were right!) This means B is generally unavailable, exhausted, or irritable. Beware trigger fights (as a dear friend calls them)- this week we had an argument at 10:50 p.m. over green bean casserole and whether or not I would make it (sometime, hypothetically). School hours aren't normal with special trials and projects, which means we are spending more time than usual in the van picking up and dropping B off. (we are SO grateful for the new cd player and the audio Chronicles of Narnia!) It also means that a planned (and paid for!) trip to Williamsburg has been canceled.
Having a one year old who wants to do all his older siblings do. Tate now climbs on the kitchen stool and surprises me by how quickly he gets around. This week he had his first bloody nose (Livia was in the dryer and when she forcefully pushed the door open it hit T in the face). He has also been found (several times) with his hands in the potty- and once, his foot. He likes to take his socks off in bed, but it has been really chilly at night lately. He has also gotten stuck under the bed and has figured out how to turn the water on in the sink (oh no! more floods!?).
Seasons change quickly. I'm so thankful for where we are (withstanding everything!) that I wanted to pause and reflect on it for a minute before it is all gone.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Little Luxuries
Having a husband in law school has brought its challenges. It became our new reality that Daddy would be gone all day and then would be studying or working at night and on weekends. I've realized that every time I think there is going to be a "break" it is never quite what I thought it would be (always less!). It has been difficult to prioritize communication when it seems that B and I speak different languages now (and I'm not even remotely fluent in his legal jargon!) And even though we should have been used to "just getting by" financially (the story of our entire married life), becoming beholden to school loans has taken us to a whole new level of dependance on God.
In times like these, things that seem ordinary and good become luxurious that we say no to. Things like:
1) Haircuts. (Mine, since I do everyone else's.)
2) A larger soup pot (we eat LOTS of soup this time of year!)
3) Footy jammies for the kids (not every room upstairs has a radiator.)
4) Groceries. Can't buy more when there are things in the pantry still. (But what can you make with only 4 packages of beans?!)
5) Driving. If we cut out fun trips to free places (Amazement Square and the library) we can save money.
6) Dates. Can't justify paying a babysitter when we don't have income ourselves.
7) Baby Ergo carrier (that I have been wanting for years). I dream that it would make life easier (but maybe not).
8) A Christmas Tree (we have always had a live tree and God usually provides one for us at the last minute)
9) Replacements for things broken: curling iron, (the only) hairbrush
10) Van repairs (that noise can't be something serious, can it?!)
11) Socks and underwear. I throw out things with holes; lately I hear complaints that people can't find socks and undies. Oops.
12) Coffee (B isn't happy with this, but it's only until I get to the grocery store again.)
13) Sam's Club renewal. . . will have to wait.
14) Christmas gifts
15) Chocolate (this is my luxury foregone. But that's probably a good thing, too.)
The real significance of this is not that we are wanting. Aren't we always wanting?! I know that my heart so quickly seeks to find satisfaction and comfort in things apart from Christ. The beauty in our situation is that we can't quickly fill these "needs" and wants we have. . . and so it leads us to seek Christ more fervently and desperately (which is more in line with out deep need!). I love being in this place of need because I see more clearly how God takes care of us. Our neighbor drops by with a loaf of bread. A friend passes along sausages her family didn't eat. Even though I am thinking about these other things, I don't really WANT them all- for the wanting and the aching and the inconvenience turns me to Christ and I recognize that I have ALL: life and breath, eternal hope and my daily needs met. This is a very good place to be.
In times like these, things that seem ordinary and good become luxurious that we say no to. Things like:
1) Haircuts. (Mine, since I do everyone else's.)
2) A larger soup pot (we eat LOTS of soup this time of year!)
3) Footy jammies for the kids (not every room upstairs has a radiator.)
4) Groceries. Can't buy more when there are things in the pantry still. (But what can you make with only 4 packages of beans?!)
5) Driving. If we cut out fun trips to free places (Amazement Square and the library) we can save money.
6) Dates. Can't justify paying a babysitter when we don't have income ourselves.
7) Baby Ergo carrier (that I have been wanting for years). I dream that it would make life easier (but maybe not).
8) A Christmas Tree (we have always had a live tree and God usually provides one for us at the last minute)
9) Replacements for things broken: curling iron, (the only) hairbrush
10) Van repairs (that noise can't be something serious, can it?!)
11) Socks and underwear. I throw out things with holes; lately I hear complaints that people can't find socks and undies. Oops.
12) Coffee (B isn't happy with this, but it's only until I get to the grocery store again.)
13) Sam's Club renewal. . . will have to wait.
14) Christmas gifts
15) Chocolate (this is my luxury foregone. But that's probably a good thing, too.)
The real significance of this is not that we are wanting. Aren't we always wanting?! I know that my heart so quickly seeks to find satisfaction and comfort in things apart from Christ. The beauty in our situation is that we can't quickly fill these "needs" and wants we have. . . and so it leads us to seek Christ more fervently and desperately (which is more in line with out deep need!). I love being in this place of need because I see more clearly how God takes care of us. Our neighbor drops by with a loaf of bread. A friend passes along sausages her family didn't eat. Even though I am thinking about these other things, I don't really WANT them all- for the wanting and the aching and the inconvenience turns me to Christ and I recognize that I have ALL: life and breath, eternal hope and my daily needs met. This is a very good place to be.
Monday, November 10, 2008
More Farm Photos
Here are a few cute pictures from visiting my brother Nate and his Weimeraner puppies.
Genetic Dimples
I just realized that you can see Grandma B's dimples in the posted picture below... These are the same "Baughman" dimples (I heard her call them) that I inherited from her. It touches my heart tonight to see what the photo reveals and to know that I'll always have a bit of my grandma... as near as my smile.
Happy 5th Birthday, Rhyle!
Before we left IL we were able to celebrate both Owen's (Oct 28) and Rhyle's (Nov 10) birthdays with family. What a joy it was to share the afternoon with relatives we rarely get to enjoy so much of. The boys shared a race car cake and raced through an outdoor treasure hunt. It was such fun!
Dare We Dairy?
Out of the blue my husband announced, "I think I have fewer sinus issues since we changed our milk-drinking habits."
Wow; I was surprised. First, because even though I've read about a connection between dairy and allergies and dairy and mucus, I was still skeptical as to whether it was having an effect on our family. Granted, I'm fairly certain I see a link between Rhyle's ear fluid and our milk consumption. (In the past year we have switched from purely cow's milk to mainly rice and almond milk.) Now B is stating that he can breathe better and has less phlegm and congestion. Really?! I guess I need to remain open to the possibility that what seemed like a minor change could have had significant implications.
Wow; I was surprised. First, because even though I've read about a connection between dairy and allergies and dairy and mucus, I was still skeptical as to whether it was having an effect on our family. Granted, I'm fairly certain I see a link between Rhyle's ear fluid and our milk consumption. (In the past year we have switched from purely cow's milk to mainly rice and almond milk.) Now B is stating that he can breathe better and has less phlegm and congestion. Really?! I guess I need to remain open to the possibility that what seemed like a minor change could have had significant implications.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Praying for The Bars
At lunch one day when we were at the farm, the kids surprised me. I had no idea that "the bar" was so much on their minds, but when we took turns saying our thanks to God it sounded something like this:
Owen: (7) God, thank you for Daddy. Please help him study for the bar and do a good job at school.
Rhyle: (4) God, help Daddy get good grades on his tests and win at the bar. And thank you for the farm.
Livia: (3) God, please help Daddy do the monkey bars... so that he doesn't fall and get hurt... thank you for our food.
Owen: (7) God, thank you for Daddy. Please help him study for the bar and do a good job at school.
Rhyle: (4) God, help Daddy get good grades on his tests and win at the bar. And thank you for the farm.
Livia: (3) God, please help Daddy do the monkey bars... so that he doesn't fall and get hurt... thank you for our food.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Parting with Grandma B
There are so many things that I do not know about my grandmother, things that would be fun to know, things that would give me a more complete picture of the unique and wonderful person she was. But there are some things that I do know about my grandmother that are significant in that they shaped her life and in turn, have had a ripple effect on my own life story.
I know that my grandma didn’t like her name Leila. She preferred to go by Lee. I thought Leila was a lovely name and considered it for my daughter… but Grandma was firm, even adamant that no one should have the name LEILA. It was difficult for others to read and pronounce; it was fussy. She didn’t like a FUSS to be made. In fact, I’m pretty sure that when we talked about what would happen when she passed away she used the words, “I don’t want a big fuss.”
I know that my grandmother loved my grandfather… dearly, with a sweet and enduring love. They held hands regularly and often, so much so that it I was ashamed to realize that even as a newlywed they outdid me in gestures of adoration. Grandma would sit on Grandpa’s lap. They would finish each other’s sentences. They worked crossword puzzles together every day. They were generous toward each other. Their interactions were laced with kindnesses and tenderness.
Grandma taught me lessons of love by how she loved Grandpa. She spoke of him highly, which taught me respect for my husband, to speak well of him and believe well of him. I learned from her that I should be lavish in affection toward my husband. She instilled in me a strong belief that the little things I do now, even seemingly small things like holding hands and kissing goodbye, will strengthen my marriage.
I know that my grandmother valued family. Because I have little ones fairly close in age, we talked many times of when her first four children (one each year!) were young. She made it sounds as if it were not difficult. In fact, she SAID it wasn’t hard! She gave credit to Grandpa for helping out and told me that he would come home on his lunch break and give all the kids baths. She told me that it was a sweet time and fun and how quickly it went. Although I often feel buffeted by a world that values work above homemaking, my grandmother taught me differently.
It was grandma who taught me that it’s okay to let the baby cry. When I was anxiously watching over the crib side of my firstborn, she reminded me that I ought to rest when the baby rested. So we checked our watches and chatted while Owen settled himself down for a nap. It was my grandma, in her seventies, who came to assist me after my two boys were born. She preferred for Grandpa to drive, so drove two hours in to our home and dropped her off. She sweetly parted with Grandpa and quickly set herself to work about my house, doing dishes, folding laundry, even getting down on her hands and knees to scrub marks off my floor (marks I had conveniently been ignoring)! In this she taught me service to others and a cheerful willingness to work without compensation. Not only this, but these times were laced with long conversations about life and family and faith. It was during these times when my grandmother’s help was so needed that I grew to value her as a confidant and friend.
My grandma loved babies and children. She would quickly take a baby or toddler from my arms and head off somewhere to explore or read a book or play a game. And my children couldn’t be in better hands. She read to children, played with children, VALUED children. She encouraged this love in me and I credit my grandma with giving me a high value of life and a view of childhood as precious.
I know that my Grandmother was a storyteller. I couldn’t even guess how many children have sat upon her knees or at her feet to hear her tell a story. She had a way of embellishing a story, of making it come alive. Once she came with me to the library when I took my little boys for storytime. When we left we were both shaking our heads because Grandma’s storytelling was far superior to the “professional” storyteller’s. Grandma B, with book in hand, was a kind of pied piper and children flocked to her.
I know my grandmother made some of the best pies I have ever eaten. She had a larger-than-life pie reputation. She told me once that she had been asked to record her recipes, to which she scoffed. “ANYbody” can make a pie, she said. And I realize the truth in her words. Even though her pies were delicious, better-than-ordinary. what is really outstanding about them is that she took the TIME to make them. She didn’t use special ingredients (though I know she used the best of local overly abundant produce and lard!). She took her time and used her energy to bake pies for others because it was an act of love. Delicious pies were the result of a woman who wasn’t too busy, who stayed at home, was content at home, whose quiet work benefited others. I see every savored bite of pie through the years as commendation of her extraordinary choice.
I know that my grandmother believed that staying active was important. I know so few adults besides my grandparents that continue working and golfing and vacationing well into their senior years. Not only that, but Grandpa still carries my children, Grandma would nimbly plunk down on the floor to play a game with them, we took many walks together. I learned from watching my grandparents that you are as old as you act and that staying active can keep you healthy.
She and Grandpa were simple and pleasant house guests, willing to bed down on the floor on an air mattress when they were in their eighties! They “didn’t need much,” she would say. My husband and I learned that it was easy to host them as long as we had coffee, ice cream, and somewhere to get a daily newspaper.
I know my grandmother loved the Lord. She and grandpa worked on Bible studies together. One of the last conversations I had with Grandma we spoke about her family. We were talking about raising children and I expressed how much I want my children to love Jesus. Grandma told me that she had GOOD kids. Her desire was that her entire family know the Lord. Not just to BE good, to but love the Source of goodness. Some of her last words were words entreating her children to pray with her. She wanted them near. She wanted them to know and love the Savior that she was going home to. She said she had a blessed life here and she was certain that her next life would be blessed, too, because she would be in Heaven.
I know that my grandma, in her unpretentious way, has left me missing her. I still find it uncomfortable to face my mortality as I grieve her death. Even though I knew my grandparents were aging, they didn’t seem to show it and so I could largely pretend that we would have years upon years to enjoy. Though I celebrate Grandma’s victorious passage from death to life eternal, I grieve the loss of those hoped for years. I mourn that I have no more opportunities to caress her hands or listen to her wisdom, nor to smile as my children sit on her lap and listen to her stories. I am sad for those of us who remain.
In the week before she died I looked at her lying on the couch, one arm thrown over her eyes. “Grandma!” I said. “I hope I look half as beautiful at 83 as you are! I don’t know how you manage to look so wonderful when you feel so terrible... but I want to be like you.” Oh, she thought that was phooey. But it was true. I want to have the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that my grandma had. I want to love extravagantly and also in small affections like my grandma did. I want to stay active, to serve others, to extend myself, to challenge myself to stay active (not BUSY!) both in mind and body, as my grandma did. One day, be it soon or long to come, Grandma B and I will have a joyful reunion. I know it.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
In Rural America
It's okay to call someone before 8 a.m.
The nearest florist might be an hour away- and they are still willing to deliver.
Friends and neighbors drop in without call or pretense and unload homemade meals, pies, cakes, and other goodies in sympathy (much more than even a large family could ever eat!).
The bank sends a card of sympathy and the school district sends flowers.
Sometimes I forget my roots, when my normal and usual life in VA preoccupies me. As we have been at the farm for a few weeks now, I'm recognizing some differences between where I live now and were I lived in my previous life!
The nearest florist might be an hour away- and they are still willing to deliver.
Friends and neighbors drop in without call or pretense and unload homemade meals, pies, cakes, and other goodies in sympathy (much more than even a large family could ever eat!).
The bank sends a card of sympathy and the school district sends flowers.
Sometimes I forget my roots, when my normal and usual life in VA preoccupies me. As we have been at the farm for a few weeks now, I'm recognizing some differences between where I live now and were I lived in my previous life!
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